Hi Jess – thanks for your question. I might use different tactics depending on the situation (what specifically the child is resisting), but in terms of car getting in the car seat I’d do the following. Pick a time when you could go somewhere your child wants to go (e.g. the park) but you don’t have to. Make it a weekend, at a time when everyone is well-fed and adequately napped. Remove as many “toys” as you can – everything in back seat pockets and door pockets. Explain that your child will need to go in the car seat if you’re going to go to the park. If they resist, wait. Patiently. Allow her to do what she needs to do in the car. Don’t engage with her too much beyond explaining that if she wants to go to the park, she needs to be in the car seat. Wait for as long as it takes until she’s ready to get into the seat by herself or allow you to lift her in. It may take a while. Consider reading a book while you wait, and assure her that you can leave as soon as she’s in the seat.

The next time you’re in a higher-stress situation (e.g. getting out the door in the morning), allow yourself some extra time (get up a bit earlier; arrange to arrive late at work if you can). Go down to the car, and explain that she needs to get in her car seat so she can go to school. A that point I usually put my hand on the far side of the car seat to keep her in the general area of the seat, so she can’t roam around the car (so there are fewer interesting things to engage in). Stay calm and appear unhurried. Don’t engage her with other conversation or allow her to play with any toys or anything on your person. Explain that you need to go, and she needs to be in her car seat to be safe. At some point she WILL either climb in by herself or allow you to put her in. Afterward you can empathize that she really doesn’t want to be in the seat.

It likely won’t take you many times of doing this (perhaps even only once or twice) for her to get the idea that getting in the car seat is a necessary part of going out. Once you take the struggle out of it then fighting you becomes a whole lot less interesting.

I wonder if you’ve seen the info on the membership group? Tantrums is actually the first topic we cover, so if you need more support related to coping with (and reducing the incidence of!) tantrums in other areas of your child’s life, you might want to sign up and get personalized support in addressing your challenges. Hope to see you there!

Thanks, Prelita – hope all is well with you!

Also, it’s been so long! Would love to do a playdate sometime!

Yay! You might need to remind yourself of the steps at first, but once you’ve practiced it a few times it starts to become second nature. And it makes life SO MUCH EASIER!