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The Parenting Membership | Support Your Child's Development While Making Parenting Easier

Research-based ideas
to help kids thrive

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Parenting Membership

Support your child's development, while making parenting easier

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Understand the reasons for your child's 'difficult' or confusing behavior, so you can stop walking on eggshells and be in a truly collaborative relationship
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Extinguish today's fires, while building tools and skills to thrive in the future.
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Really enjoy spending time with your child!

If you have a child aged ~ 1-6 and things just seem HARD, the Parenting Membership will transform your family life

2023 Enrollment Opens in May
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Support your child's development, while making parenting easier

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Perfect for helping to bring the strategies heard on the podcast to your home, with your very own family.

You’ve listened to the podcast.

You’ve read the blog posts.

You’re in (so many) parenting groups online.

You know what to do, most of the time.

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And yet, somehow you still struggle to actually do it in the moment.

Something is getting in the way for you.

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... Maybe you just don’t see exactly how the advice you get online and in books applies to your unique family.

... Or you get lost in the heat of the moment, and everything you planned to do just flies out the window.

... Or you get started fine (“I’m supposed to problem solve, right?  OK; let’s ask about the child’s feelings…”), and then you run into a problem (your child’s response: “I don’t know.”  Or, even better, “I don’t caaaaare.”)


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Things fall apart just like they did every other time, and you wonder why you bothered trying something different in the first place.

I want you to know that you're not alone.

The Parenting Membership was designed with you in mind.

Member Chat | CLAIRE
Back On Solid Ground

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Sometimes parenting is really hard

There are times when you may feel like you're at the end of your rope, even though it seems like the right nugget of knowledge is the thing you need, most often the thing you're missing is being truly accepted for who you are.

Claire was in this position a year ago, and the acceptance modeled  by our community helped her to accept herself and her situation, which has released her from the struggle she was experiencing.
Member Chat | AKIKO
It Was Really About Connection

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Meeting needs makes parenting easier

Like many parents, Akiko was initially hesitant to spend money on resources for parenting. The membership has given her the knowledge and support to implement new ideas in a way she couldn't do alone.

"The least judgemental corner of the internet"

A lot of people (me included, sometimes!) think that the answers are in the knowledge: once you have the right piece of knowledge, everything else will fall into place.

We've got all the (research-based!) knowledge you need, but what really helps you to apply that knowledge is having a community to give you the confidence to make the change, help you adjust course if you need it, and cheer your successes with you.  Even if you're watching from the sidelines, community is a critical component of learning.

Come join us in what members have called "the least judgmental corner of the internet." Find your people, find your feet, and the content will be here for you when you're ready.

"The least judgemental corner of the internet"

A lot of people (me included, sometimes!) think that the answers are in the knowledge: once you have the right piece of knowledge, everything else will fall into place.

We've got all the (research-based!) knowledge you need, but what really helps you to apply that knowledge is having a community to give you the confidence to make the change, help you adjust course if you need it, and cheer your successes with you.  Even if you're watching from the sidelines, community is a critical component of learning.

Come join us in what members have called "the least judgmental corner of the internet." Find your people, find your feet, and the content will be here for you when you're ready.

Hi, I’m Jen

(and that’s Carys)

I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, which compiles the more than 10,000 hours I’ve spent researching parenting and child development to help you really understand an issue from all sides.  

I know that when you’re shifting your approach to interacting with your child you need two things: you need the right information, and you need to understand how to go beyond a cognitive (brain-based) understanding to make implementing the ideas a habit.  

We aren’t short of information on parenting; it’s available everywhere online.  What you need is someone who can help you sort through what’s worth paying attention to from what isn’t (I have a Masters in Psychology focused on Child Development and another in Education).

And because I’m a Co-Active Coach, I can help you go far beyond just memorizing the right words to say to your child to truly taking on this new way of being in relationships.


Hi, I’m Jen (and that’s Carys)

I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, which compiles the more than 10,000 hours I’ve spent researching parenting and child development to help you really understand an issue from all sides.  

I know that when you’re shifting your approach to interacting with your child you need two things: you need the right informationand you need to understand how to go beyond a cognitive (brain-based) understanding to make implementing the ideas a habit.  

We aren’t short of information on parenting; it’s available everywhere online.  What you need is someone who can help you sort through what’s worth paying attention to from what isn’t (I have a Masters in Psychology focused on Child Development and another in Education).

And because I’m a Co-Active Coach, I can help you go far beyond just memorizing the right words to say to your child to truly taking on this new way of being in relationships.


Ruth and her partner are parents of twins - challenging at the best of times, and doubly so during a pandemic.  

She joined for the research, but stays for the community...and because of the difference the membership has made in her family's lives

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"I joined the membership group hoping for evidence-based advice on what to say, or how to react to predictable, albeit challenging situations with my kids.

Instead, the past eight months have transformed me as a parent, deepening my understanding of childrearing and helping me discover ways to communicate with my girls that feels authentic and aligned with my overall parenting goals.

What I've learned from the membership helps me get through the day-to-day toddler grind without feeling mind-numbingly drained at the end of the day. And, Jen and the community are always there to brainstorm when more challenging situations arise."

- Ruth T.

 Growing as a parent can be terrifying, inspiring, agonizing, & rewarding - for us and our children
While some parents are just trying to survive, other parents are drowning with the burden of being the perfect parent

Your parenting journey is your own, but you're not alone. The struggles are real. And we're all trying to do the very best we can.

What many of us don't often realize is that it's not just our kids that are growing, but we are growing right there, alongside them - often reparenting ourselves, while we're raising them.

The reality is that there is no parenting handbook, cheat sheet or shortcuts to make everything right.

But that's a good thing. Because as hard as it can be sometimes, what I've learned through working with so many parents is that we have the strength we need inside us.

We just need a little guidance to help it emerge.

 Growing as a parent can be terrifying, inspiring, agonizing, & rewarding - for us and our children
While some parents are just trying to survive, other parents are drowning with the burden of being the perfect parent

Your parenting journey is your own, but you're not alone. The struggles are real. And we're all trying to do the very best we can.

What many of us don't often realize is that it's not just our kids that are growing, but we are growing right there, alongside them - often reparenting ourselves, while we're raising them.

The reality is that there is no parenting handbook, cheat sheet or shortcuts to make everything right.

But that's a good thing. Because as hard as it can be sometimes, what I've learned through working with so many parents is that we have the strength we need inside us.

We just need a little guidance to help it emerge.

Member Chat | ANNE
Parenting is Personal

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From anxious overwhelm to optimistic calm - Anne shares her family's journey

Anne has overcome her crippling anxiety about parenting - and also transformed her relationship with her mother.
Member Chat | NICOLE
Making Genuine Connections

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From the past to the future - Nicole breaks the cycle of trauma for her children

Through the membership, Nicole learned about the links between the ways she was raised and her fear that she was "doing it wrong" - and has now forged a stronger connection with both her husband and children.
Member Chat | MILDA
A Strong Foundation

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From fear to joy - Milda has found her parenting mojo & much, much more

For Milda, the membership has allowed her to go beyond finding solutions to individual problems to finding a framework that addresses any challenge parenting - and life - throws her way.

Those who join The Parenting Membership and participate in the community, receive personal attention and an opportunity to address their specific needs and challenges. If you are already a member of other parenting support groups and still in search for answers, this is likely the last membership you will need.

Here's How The Membership Works

Right now it might seem as though you need help with ‘point problems’: perhaps your child has a meltdown every time you ask them to turn off their screen time, or they will eat any food under the sun (as long as it’s white), or you have the same two-hour struggle at bedtime every single night.

Getting Started

1) Tantrums!  We'll start by learning tools to dramatically reduce the incidence of tantrums in your house

2) Parenting as a Team:  Next we'll learn how to co-parent effectively by becoming more aligned where it's important, and knowing where it's OK to disagree

3) Goal Setting:  With your new communication skills, work with your partner to establish family goals and values that are uniquely right for your family - and align your daily interactions with your child with these goals and values

MODULE 1
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How to Cope with Tantrums!

Tantrums often feel unpredictable, but they aren't. We'll learn how to see tantrums coming and much more...
MODULE 2
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Parenting As a Team

Parenting as a team doesn't mean that one parent convinces the other that their approach is better...
MODULE 3
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Goal Setting

If you want to raise an independent child, but you step in to fix everything they can't do, you may not reach your goal...
Clare joined the recent Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop to learn how to set limits...but discovered so much more.  At the end of our last group coaching call she typed in the chat:
"Also... how can we join the parenting group (membership)?

I want more of this.

I didn't think I could find community in an online forum, but this has shown me I was wrong."


- Clare S.

After you've completed the core modules, you'll have the basic tools to decide on and implement an approach to many other parenting challenges, as well as to feeling more confident and comfortable in your role as a parent.

Topics covered in your first year include:

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9 Additional Modules to Help You Through Your Parenting Struggles

Select a topic to play module preview
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Module 4
Raising Healthy Eaters
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Module 5
Emotion Regulation
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Module 6
Raising Siblings Who Love Each Other
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Module 7
Navigating Screen Time
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Module 8
Understanding Your Child's Temperament
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Module 9
Rhythms, Rituals, Routines
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Module 10
Anxiety & Parenting
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Module 11
Supporting Anxious Children
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Module 12
Self-Compassion

Additional modules available for purchase include:

Supporting Peer Relationships

Gender Roles

Simplifying Parenting

The Sense of Self in Parenting

Playfulness in Parenting

Parenting Playfully

Monthly Group Coaching Calls

We know that sometimes you do just need to talk with me about your unique situation so you can find a path forward. Each month I host two group coaching calls, usually on the same day at 11am and 5pm Pacific.  You won't be one of hundreds observing from the sidelines; you'll get a chance to talk with me directly.  Join live or submit your question in advance to listen to the recording later & get on the right track.

I'm a Co-Active Coach with 100 hours of training, and will work with you to offer the help you need in the way you need it: from brainstorming potential solutions to a conversation where we uncover your true needs and desires in a difficult family interaction - and how to meet these while also meeting the needs and desires of your other family members.

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Monthly Group
Coaching Calls

We know that sometimes you do just need to talk with me about your unique situation so you can find a path forward. Each month I host two group coaching calls, usually on the same day at 11am and 5pm Pacific.  You won't be one of hundreds observing from the sidelines; you'll get a chance to talk with me directly.  Join live or submit your question in advance to listen to the recording later & get on the right track.

I'm a Co-Active Coach with 100 hours of training, and will work with you to offer the help you need in the way you need it: from brainstorming potential solutions to a conversation where we uncover your true needs and desires in a difficult family interaction - and how to meet these while also meeting the needs and desires of your other family members.

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The Only One of Its Kind
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What it means to be
research-based at
Your Parenting Mojo

It's important that the resources we rely on for information about parenting and child development are grounded in scientific research.

Why join the Parenting Membership?

By now, you’ve probably done a LOT of searching online for solutions to the challenges they face with their children.  You’ve listened to all the podcasts; you’ve read all the books; you’ve asked questions in the free online communities - and yet STILL you continue to struggle.

There are two (linked) reasons for this, and we address both of them in the Parenting Membership.


Your child doesn't follow the script

So you might have read that you need to find ways to work with your child to find solutions to problems rather than just laying down the law, but when you try to do this your child shuts down.  Or walks away.  Or rolls their eyes and says “I just don’t caaaaare.”  Where do you go from here?  We’ll help you uncover the root causes and work through them, so you can actually solve problems with your child.  (Yes, YOUR child!)


It's not about just more knowledge, it's about the right knowledge

The second reason is that so much parenting advice out there assumes that what you’re lacking is cognitive knowledge - meaning knowledge that lives in your brain.  The solution to this problem is to give you more knowledge, because if you only had the knowledge you would do the right thing and you wouldn’t have these ongoing struggles. 

But you’ve already found that the knowledge by itself isn’t enoughYou need the RIGHT (research-based) knowledge, plus a plan for what to do when your child goes off-script, plus an understanding of how to make it real for you.  You’ll take on this new knowledge not just in your mind but in your body as well, so living it becomes second nature.  You won’t just recite the right script to your child while you seethe with frustration and anger inside. 

You’ll shift your entire way of being a parent so your interactions with your child - even in the most difficult moments - are grounded in love, respect, and trust.  You won’t have to fumble for the right words - because you will just know them.  In your brain, but also in every fiber of your body.

The Magic of ACTion Groups

Listen to how ACTion groups became an unexpected magical part of membership

When you join the membership, you'll also have the option to join an ACTion group of up to five peers who meet weekly with a seasoned peer coach to break down the changes they want to make in their family lives into manageable steps.

Many parents initially doubt whether ACTion groups can actually help them.  But very quickly they find that the other parents in their group become kindred spirits: the kind of people they can tell anything, and know it won't be judged.  Members laugh, cry, and celebrate together, and hold each other (gently!) accountable to keep moving forward.

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Break big goals down into manageable steps so you can actually achieve them

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Variety of time options to suit any schedule; prearranged time means the support is there without any effort from you to set it up!

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Gain friends for life who will be there for you no matter what!

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The Magic of ACTion Groups

When you join the membership, you'll also have the option to join an ACTion group of up to five peers who meet weekly with a seasoned peer coach to break down the changes they want to make in their family lives into manageable steps.

Many parents initially doubt whether ACTion groups can actually help them.  But  very quickly they find that the other parents in their group become kindred spirits: the kind of people they can tell anything, and know it won't be judged.  Members laugh, cry, and celebrate together, and hold each other (gently!) accountable to keep moving forward.

Listen to how ACTion groups became an unexpected magical part of membership

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Break big goals down into manageable steps so you can actually achieve them

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Variety of time options to suit any schedule; prearranged time means the support is there without any effort from you to set it up!

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Gain friends for life who will be there for you no matter what!

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Member Chat | CAROLINE
Overcoming the label of 'sensitive child'

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From searching for belonging... to genuine connectedness

Caroline was labeled as 'sensitive' at an early age and felt lost as she yearned to be really seen and understood. Now she's discovered that she really is a good mom, and has a great relationship with her son, grounded in appreciating the amazingness of the present moment.
Member Chat | ADRIANNA & TIM
Nothing Worked - Until Now

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From skepticism & desperation to siblings who solve their own problems

Adrianna & Tim were skeptical for good reason: nothing was working ("so why would this?")... and "We don't have time!".  It almost prevented them from joining the Parenting Membership, but here they are now: seeing family-changing results when nothing else worked.

Life becomes easier & your family more harmonious

When you parent like this, family life becomes easier.  More harmonious. 

You’ll spend a LOT less time arguing about all the challenges that used to consume your interactions with your child, and a lot more time snuggling on the couch.  You’ll feel deeply connected to your child (even the child who seems so ‘difficult’ right now!) when you know that you are truly working as a team.

And, like other members, you may just find that your relationship with your spouse improves as well - a nice fringe benefit!


How does membership work?

- 5 easy steps explained - 

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Sign Up to unlock membership benefits

Receive a new module of content each month (or pay for a year up-front to access 12 modules at once)

Use the exercises to create solutions that align with your family values

Get support through our private community, video Q&As, small group peer coaching, and occasional 1:1 consults

Find your parenting path - and walk it with clarity and confidence

1

Sign Up to unlock membership benefits

2

Receive a new module of content each month (or pay for a year up-front to access 12 modules at once)

3

Use the exercises to create solutions that align with your family values

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Get support through our private community, video Q&As, small group peer coaching, and ocassional 1:1 consults

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Find your parenting path - and walk it with clarity and confidence

From day-to-day struggles to parenting with confidence, Katie and her husband found their footing and are now parenting with greater confidence. I'm proud to have helped their family of four.

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"I feel confident now that this “new” style of parenting works better for my family and I have the proof to share with people who suggest other tactics.

Confidence leads to calm in me and has helped me hold my boundaries better and also soften to support my children much more in their struggles.

I’m seeing effort more than flaws these days in everyone I encounter and have flipped to a positive and hopeful mindset rather than complaining during adult chatter about parenting."

- Katie S.

Here's what members are saying:

Before the Parenting Membership, we felt like we were just trying to survive!  Then we learned how to explicitly and proactively think about our approach to parenting, rather than just reacting to our son.

Now we know we're heading in a direction that feels right for our family, even on areas where we used to disagree, which continues to be a really valuable contributor to our relationship.

Also, Jen makes a huge amount of complicated research really approachable and easy to understand, which kept us from feeling overwhelmed by information!

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Jonathan & Christy T.

"The membership has been different from any thing else I have seen in helping think about and articulate your own goals and really focus on putting problem solving strategies into place in your family.


Knowing how you want to parent and developing the skills in the everyday situations that come up can be two different things and this membership presents both invaluable focused guides and just the right questions to apply this knowledge tailored to your own family.

I particularly like the focus on your own goals versus advocating a “one best way” type philosophy."

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Kathryn D.

“Jen’s body of work has been an incredible blessing to our family.  I started with the very first podcast episode, and have consumed almost everything she’s offered since then!

The community that’s been built with the Parenting Membership is incredible, and I just love how deep the materials and the conversations go on the calls — this is not a membership for surface-level thoughts!

We are vulnerable, we process deeply and we build better futures for ourselves, our children and the generations to come. So grateful for Jen and this community!

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Kesha J.

As a Parenting Membership member, I've found that I am being more intentional, having the right kind of conversations with my husband, working with my kids the way I want to be, and enjoying learning, too.


Plus, it's nice to know that I'm not alone and that there are plenty of resources and other parents with whom I can connect on this parenting journey!"

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Emily G.

Jen's work has given me two precious gifts. The first, is a different attitude towards, and different perspective of, children. Now I see children as full and equal human beings, deserving of respect, deserving of dignity. I really see my daughter; and not just that: I see through her eyes. I see what it's like to be small, to not have 100% impulse control, to want to try out things, to be curious, to want to express oneself.

Jen's approach makes it possible for me to see life through the eyes of the child, and the result is that I'm less stressed about the daily small things that children do (or don't do). Our relationship is marked with more ease, because for the most part I respond with an attitude of trust: "she is not throwing a tantrum just to make trouble - it could be that she's overwhelmed, or tired...". I approach the situation with curiosity, and when I can't figure something out by talking with her, I make a presumption from the perspective that accords my child the most respect.

The second is the gift or relationships. During the weekly ACTion group meetings, we have a safe space to talk about struggles and things that are working well. These weekly meetings are an anchor - there is sharing, learning together, growing, and holding space for each other. Being in community is key to changing ingrained patterns, and Jen's work facilitates community in exactly that way.

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Elizabeth K.

Here's what
members are saying:

Before the Parenting Membership, we felt like we were just trying to survive!  Then we learned how to explicitly and proactively think about our approach to parenting, rather than just reacting to our son.

Now we know we're heading in a direction that feels right for our family, even on areas where we used to disagree, which continues to be a really valuable contributor to our relationship.

Also, Jen makes a huge amount of complicated research really approachable and easy to understand, which kept us from feeling overwhelmed by information!

Jonathan & Christy T.

"The membership has been different from any thing else I have seen in helping think about and articulate your own goals and really focus on putting problem solving strategies into place in your family.

Knowing how you want to parent and developing the skills in the everyday situations that come up can be two different things and this membership presents both invaluable focused guides and just the right questions to apply this knowledge tailored to your own family.

I particularly like the focus on your own goals versus advocating a “one best way” type philosophy."

Kathryn D.

“Jen’s body of work has been an incredible blessing to our family.  I started with the very first podcast episode, and have consumed almost everything she’s offered since then!

The community that’s been built with the Parenting Membership is incredible, and I just love how deep the materials and the conversations go on the calls — this is not a membership for surface-level thoughts!

We are vulnerable, we process deeply and we build better futures for ourselves, our children and the generations to come. So grateful for Jen and this community!

Kesha J.

As a Parenting Membership member, I've found that I am being more intentional, having the right kind of conversations with my husband, working with my kids the way I want to be, and enjoying learning, too.


Plus, it's nice to know that I'm not alone and that there are plenty of resources and other parents with whom I can connect on this parenting journey!"

Emily G.

Jen's work has given me two precious gifts. The first, is a different attitude towards, a different perspective of, children. Now I see children as full and equal human beings, deserving fo respect, deserving of dignity. I really see my daughter; and not just that: I see through her eyes. I see what it's like to be small, to not have 100% impulse control, to want to try out things, to be curious, to want to express oneself.

Jen's approach makes it possible for me to see life through the eyes of the child, and the result is that I'm less stressed about the daily small things that children do (or don't do). Our relationship is marked with more ease, because for the most part I respond with an attitude of trust: "she is not throwing a tantrum just to make trouble - it could be that she's overwhelmed, or tired...". I approach the situation with curiosity, and when I can't figure something out by talking with her, I make a presumption from the perspective that accords my child the most respect.

The second is the gift or relationships. During the weekly ACTion group meetings, we have a safe space to talk about struggles and things that are working well. These weekly meetings are an anchor - there is sharing, learning together, growing, and holding space for each other. Being in community is key to changing ingrained patterns, and Jen's work facilitates community in exactly that way.

Elizabeth K.
More Than Just Sliding Scale Pricing
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What It Means for You, Your Family... and Other Families Everywhere

Sliding scale pricing is a practical and inclusive way to help as many families as possible, while also giving others the chance to not only help themselves and their own families, but help to lift others and their families as well.

We're all in this parenting journey together. For a better world for our children, our future, and the planet.

Having doubts?

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By the time they consider joining the membership, many parents have read a lot of books, listened to a lot of podcasts, and tried a lot of things - and yet parenting is still hard.

They wonder whether this membership could possibly be the thing that makes the difference when nothing else seems to have worked. They even worry that the content might be good, but that there's something about them that means they won't be able to stick with it or get the results that everyone else will see.

On top of that there's the cost: why spend money on information about parenting when there are so many free resources available? And what if Jen's picture is all over the information page and once I join I'll be on my own figuring it out?

The words of two current members may help you to make a decision that feels right for you:

"I felt insecure about spending that amount of money on something I wanted, but it did help me to ask myself what else I would spend it on that was worth more to me than my family."

"Your intimate involvement in this community you have built and host is incredibly supportive and genuine and makes it feel - because it is - a really engaged, honest, productive space as opposed to so many of those programs you can sign up for where you just get automated emails but no real follow up. I am blown away by the awesome, thorough, thoughtful nature of work and your dedication."

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The “Fewer Tantrums in 90 Days Guarantee”

The promise is simple.

Follow the program, watch the Q&As, and ask your questions in our private community.

If your child isn’t having fewer tantrums in 90 days (by which time you’ll also be communicating better with your partner and will feel like you’re actually heading in the same direction together), I’ll give you your money back.

(I’m really completely confident this is going to start happening much sooner than this but Marketing Experts tell me that you want a longer period of time to evaluate the program, so I’m giving that to you;-))

But if you feel just as lost after 90 days as you do right now, and your child is still having a meltdown every day because the green bowl is in the dishwasher and only the blue one is available, I’ll insist that you email us at support@yourparentingmojo.com for an an immediate and full refund.

Why am I so confident doing this?

Because I’ve seen the results.

Not just with parents who are ‘doing pretty well,’ but even parents who feel like things are falling apart every single day are going to see improvement.

Questions that parents just like you have asked before saying ‘Yes’ to Finding Your Parenting Mojo

1. I want to do this, but I’m already spread wayyyy to thin. How much time is this going to take?

I hear you:-)

Here’s the thing. Yes, it takes work to be in this membership. You’ll probably spend a couple of hours reading, watching, or listening to each module - perhaps less if you’re a skimmer rather than a reader.

You might take a couple more to discuss them with your partner.

And there are (optional) super tightly focused 40 minute small group calls each week to help you keep taking the next tiny step forward.

So that’s perhaps six hours a month, if you’re fully engaged in all the steps.

I calculated how much time you might save if you’re currently arguing with and yelling at your child on a regular basis to try to get things done, with inevitable explosions following. By the time you count up all those hassles related to breakfast, getting dressed, brushing teeth, transitions, lunch, screen time, dinner, bath time, brushing teeth (again!) and shortening your bedtime routine so it no longer involves 5+ visits to your child’s room, you are going to conservatively save about 96 hours a month. And that’s even after you factor in the six hours you’ll spend on the content.

Hmmmm….could you use an extra 96 hours a month?

2. I’ve read dozens of books on parenting, and I’m in a bunch of parenting groups online. How is this going to be different?

Please do forgive me for being blunt, but if what you had learned from all those books and in all those parenting groups was actually working, would you have read this far down this page?

The gap between reading something in a book or a parenting group once (even if you completely agree with it!) and actually being able to implement it can be deceptively vast. It’s like the distance between your vomiting child and the open toilet: just a few feet in reality with the right support, but tantalizingly out of reach in the moment.

The membership provides the three critical components you need to make actual change happen: the right (research-based!) information, a supportive community, and (this is the really critical part) help when you get stuck.

Because you will get stuck. We all do. And when that happens you can either drop back into your old habits or figure out what didn’t go the way you’d hoped and why, and how to come back and try again differently next time. That’s why this is going to be different for you.

3. My partner really (really) is not on board. What do you suggest?

I hear you. Mine wasn’t at first either. We were both raised using traditional parenting methods and he has had a hard time using approaches that don’t rely on bribery and implied or actual punishments.

If this is happening in your house, I would find a time when you’re not (especially) stressed about something else - so not right after a time when your child has refused to do something your partner asked them to do, but maybe later that day.

You could say something like: “Hey; I love you and it’s really important to me that we feel like a team in parenting. It seemed like you were having a hard time when [describe difficult event] happened. Can you tell me how that looked from your perspective? [Listen. Summarize and reflect your understanding back to your partner.]

It seems like we’ve both been having a hard time with the kids lately. It doesn’t feel like we’re a team as a family. I’ve been learning about some new methods to work with the kids that would invite them to work with us more, without us totally giving in to everything they demand. I’d like to give it a try. Would you be willing to learn more about it with me?”

If cost is an issue, then the holidays are coming up - could there be a better holiday gift to each other than a more smoothly-running family life?

4. I really don't know if I can spend the money on this. What do you suggest?

I get it. It might seem like this is a lot of money to spend on yourself (while your parenting partner and other caregivers are welcome to join under your membership, the person who signs up is usually the one who participates the most). And it can be doubly difficult when you see the value and promise of parenting methods that are grounded in peer-reviewed research and respectful parenting but your partner doesn’t.

I would say two things in response to this. Firstly, you are worth it. It’s so common for women, particularly, to not feel as though they can or should buy something for themselves. After all, are we really worth this much? Shouldn’t we save the money and spend it on something for our child? Will we really get enough out of it to justify the price (and couldn’t we figure this stuff out for free by ourselves anyway)?

You’re here reading this because you sense that there’s a gap between the relationship you have with your child right now, and the potential for what this relationship could be. You really could spend thousands of hours like I’ve done reading books and peer-reviewed research over the last six years and come develop these tools yourself. But starting down that path hasn’t yielded tools that work for you yet.

In these years while your child is young, ruptures in your relationship are more easily healed because your child doesn’t have a choice: they need your love. As they mature they will seek out support in other places if they aren’t getting it at home, setting the stage for some very difficult teenage years. The investment you’re about to make in this membership will lay the groundwork for a relationship based on mutual respect that will help you maintain your own connection with your child as they age, as well as teach them how to treat others and how they want to be treated by other people for the rest of their lives. This is an investment in you, for sure.

And so my second response is that this is also an investment in your child. In fact, it might be the most important thing you ever buy for them.

5. Do you offer any kind of discount?

I experimented with offering hardship discounts when I opened the group last year and the one thing that I have learned since then is that the people who pay a deeply discounted rate rarely participate in a way that allows them to really get the benefits that the group offers if you are fully engaged. I think you need some ‘skin in the game’ to see the value that doing this kind of work can bring.

That said, having studied inequality for a couple of years now, I do now offer sliding scale pricing for this very reasy. I would never want the group to be truly inaccessible to someone who feels it will really benefit them. If joining the group would strongly benefit you but the price would take meals out of your children’s mouths, then please email me at support@yourparentingmojo.com to (briefly) explain your situation and I’ll do what I can to accommodate you.

6. Who will benefit most from this membership?

The membership is geared toward parents of children who are between 12 months-7 years old. If you’re on the earlier side but like to feel prepared, come on in! If your child is on the older side but you don’t have a vision for parenting (and you’d like one), and you’re struggling with tantrums, power struggles, setting boundaries, and the like – you’ll definitely find a home here.

7. I’d like to join with my spouse/co-parent/grandparent/nanny. Do I have to pay the monthly fee twice/multiple times?

No! The monthly fee covers you and any other member of your family/caregiving team who regularly interacts with your child/ren. After you sign up, please send an email to support@yourparentingmojo.com giving me the names and email addresses of the additional individual(s) who will need access and I will set up user accounts for them, which will also get them access to the community group.

8. What’s your approach to parenting? How can I know that your ideas will fit with the way I’m raising my children?

Great question! My approach is grounded in scientific research (although I’m not afraid to question its assumptions) and principles of respectful parenting. This means that I read all the research on a particular topic related to parenting and child development and try to understand what it says as a body of work (not just what the latest study with the clickbait title says).

But I also look to anthropological literature to understand how parents and children in other cultures deal with these issues to see whether our problems are of our own making (and thus we can also look to other cultures for potential solutions) or whether parents and children everywhere face this particular issue.

I view everything through a lens of respectful parenting. In general, I find that the research tends to support respectful parenting methods (e.g. not using rewards to try to motivate children; modeling emotional regulation rather than saying “You’re OK!”, not forcing a child to eat vegetables...). But I don’t get hung up on whether I’m perfectly aligned with any particular philosophy – I pick and choose what works for my family.

Finally, I view learning and development as interconnected. If we ask a child to do something they aren’t yet developmentally ready to do, we’re setting ourselves up for trouble. But sometimes we can scaffold their learning, and thus their development, if we decide that’s something we want to do. This intertwined push/pull is part of the dance of parenting.

9. I'm still just not sure the membership is right for me. How can I decide?

If you were my coaching client, I’d encourage you to take these steps to help you make the decision:

Ask your logical left brain: What are the benefits I would get from joining?

Ask your intuitive right brain and your body: Do I want to join? Do you feel a sense of longing or anticipation in your body as you imagine creating a different relationship with your child? Does it ‘feel’ like a fit, even if you can’t fully articulate why in words? We are taught to ignore our intuition in favor of rational arguments, but our physical sensations can tell us a lot about our experience if we know how to listen.

Ask both your logical left brain and intuitive right brain/body: What’s holding me back? Are you wondering how this could work when so many other tools you’ve tried have failed? Are you worried about needing to interact with other parents as you do this work? What’s behind these fears? Are these voices the ones that should make the decisions about your relationship with your child? Cast your mind forward just three short months. What would you like your relationship with your child to be like by then? When you hear their feet pattering down the hallway and they enter the room you’re in, how do you feel right now? How would you like to feel when you see them? What would you do with the time you weren’t spending arguing with them? The membership comes with a 90 day guarantee. If you aren’t on track to making your vision a reality at the end of that period, I’ll insist on giving you your money back. (I’m completely confident in this because nobody has ever invoked the guarantee since I’ve been running the memberships.) Have more questions? Just email jen@yourparentingmojo.com and I’ll get right back to you.

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© Jen Lumanlan 2023 - All Rights Reserved

Your Parenting Mojo acknowledges the Lisjan Ohlone people, the rightful stewards of the land on which we live and work.  While the Lisjan Ohlone people can never be fully compensated for the harms that the legacy of colonialism has wrought, we pay the Shuumi Land Tax as recognition that more than words are needed, and we encourage others to engage meaningfully (including financially) with their local Indigenous communities.

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