Research-based ideas
to help kids thrive
Taming Your
Triggers Spring
Workshop
Waitlist
Triggers Spring
Workshop
Waitlist
laptop
Available each Spring & Fall - join the waitlist to be notified when enrollment re-opens
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My most popular workshop has helped countless parents, and can help you - and your family - break the cycle of hurt, guilt, and shame
Our triggers often keep us from becoming the parent we want (and know) we can be
If you are experiencing struggles at home and have been thinking about joining Taming Your Triggers, you aren't alone...
Jamie
Dominique
Shannon
Amy
Real parents - just like you - are transforming their family life...
Jamie
Sally
Liann
Christina
Erin
Sara
Why on earth would Iris take the workshop multiple times?
Our triggers often keep us from becoming the parent we want to be - and know we can be
If you are experiencing struggles at home and have been thinking about joining Taming Your Triggers, you aren't alone...
Real parents - just like you - are transforming their family life...
Why on earth would Iris
take the workshop
multiple times?
take the workshop
multiple times?
If we haven't met before then Hi! I'm Jen
If we haven't met before then Hi! I'm Jen
lightbulb_outlineTherapist-Approved Insights
Therapist-Approved Insights
"The Taming Your Triggers Workshop is an excellent tool for any parent interested in understanding the "why" behind their triggers. This workshop is trauma informed and aligns with best practices in trauma treatment.
As a trauma therapist, I see every day how unresolved stressors and trauma can show up every day if not addressed. This workshop is a great first step to mitigate trauma reactions from affecting our parenting. I highly recommend it!"
- Joanna Filidor, LMFT
As a trauma therapist, I see every day how unresolved stressors and trauma can show up every day if not addressed. This workshop is a great first step to mitigate trauma reactions from affecting our parenting. I highly recommend it!"
- Joanna Filidor, LMFT
Helping a therapist
put knowledge into practice
put knowledge into practice
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In this short video, Sasha shares how the workshop helped her to go from knowing what to do, to actually doing it with her child
Want to hear more about the tools Sasha is using to interrupt the cycle?
When you sign up for Taming Your Triggers you'll receive:
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10 modules of content spread over 10 weeks (the volume of reading is not huge and the pace is relaxed so that you can really take in the content, but you get LIFETIME access in case you do fall behind)
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Short weekly homework assignments to think about, write, and/or practice new tools with your child
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A not-on-Facebook community of parents who are on this journey together. We're all ready to support you. There's NO requirement to be online at any specific time; participate on your schedule!
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The opportunity to connect with an AccountaBuddy to hold you (gently) accountable to make progress
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20+ Pattern-Breaking Practices to help you create the pause between your child's difficult behavior and your response
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The option to upgrade to have five group coaching calls with Jen over the course of the workshop (which will be recorded in case you can't attend) live
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In the Taming Your Triggers workshop, you'll learn:
By the end of the online workshop, you will:
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What is a trigger, and how to identify yours
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Understand why your child's behavior leaves you so frustrated and angry (hint: it isn't really all about your child!)
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Where triggers come from - examining previously experienced trauma, as well as the stresses of daily life
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Feel triggered less often
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How to use mindfulness (in just a few minutes a day!) to help you avoid being triggered in the first place, and respond more effectively when you are occasionally still triggered
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Be able to create space to think after your child does something that drives you up the wall, so you don't just explode but instead respond with empathy and compassion
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How to recognize when you're in frame of mind that makes you susceptible to feeling triggered, and take specific steps to make yourself more trigger-proof
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Know how to understand and articulate your needs, and get these met while also meeting your child's needs - skills that set them up for success in relationships with you and others throughout their lives
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How to help your child WANT to cooperate with you, so you don't have to lose your cool
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Effectively repair your relationship with your child on the fewer occasions when you fall into old habits so these become strengthening rather than harmful
spa
In the Taming Your Triggers workshop, you'll learn:
lightbulb_outline
What is a trigger, and how to identify yours
lightbulb_outline
Where triggers come from - examining previously experienced trauma, as well as the stresses of daily life
lightbulb_outline
How to use mindfulness (in just a few minutes a day!) to help you avoid being triggered in the first place, and respond more effectively when you are occasionally still triggered
lightbulb_outline
How to recognize when you're in frame of mind that makes you susceptible to feeling triggered, and take specific steps to make yourself more trigger-proof
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How to help your child WANT to cooperate with you, so you don't have to lose your cool
By the end of the
online workshop,
you will:
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Understand why your child's behavior leaves you so frustrated and angry (hint: it isn't really all about your child!)
check_circle
Feel triggered less often
check_circle
Be able to create space to think after your child does something that drives you up the wall, so you don't just explode but instead respond with empathy and compassion
check_circle
Know how to understand and articulate your needs, and get these met while also meeting your child's needs - skills that set them up for success in relationships with you and others throughout their lives
check_circle
Effectively repair your relationship with your child on the fewer occasions when you fall into old habits so these become strengthening rather than harmful
Deepening the Experience: AccountaBuddies
You'll learn a lot by engaging with the content and being in our private community. But the folks who really want to take it to the next level sign up for an AccountaBuddy. You can bring your own Buddy by signing up with a friend, or we'll help to match you with someone who resonates with you.
You'll communicate via whatever means you prefer: some Buddies do phone or Zoom calls; some only text or email; others send Marco Polos.
Each new module contains discussion questions to kick-start your own conversations so you'll never struggle to find something to talk about.
You don't need to have any special knowledge or insights to be an effective AccountaBuddy or to have a Buddy support you - the essential role is of listening, empathizing, and supporting the other person in finding their own solutions to the challenges they face.
You'll communicate via whatever means you prefer: some Buddies do phone or Zoom calls; some only text or email; others send Marco Polos.
Each new module contains discussion questions to kick-start your own conversations so you'll never struggle to find something to talk about.
You don't need to have any special knowledge or insights to be an effective AccountaBuddy or to have a Buddy support you - the essential role is of listening, empathizing, and supporting the other person in finding their own solutions to the challenges they face.
It's also possible that you'll end up communicating so regularly about so many different topics that you become friends that far outlast the workshop.
That's what happened to Marci and Elizabeth.
That's what happened to Marci and Elizabeth.
Deepening
the Experience:
AccountaBuddies
the Experience:
AccountaBuddies
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You'll learn a lot by engaging with the content and being in our private community. But the folks who really want to take it to the next level sign up for an AccountaBuddy. You can bring your own Buddy by signing up for the workshop with a friend, or we'll help to match you with someone who resonates with you.
favorite_border
You'll communicate via whatever means you prefer: some Buddies do phone or Zoom calls; some only text or email; others send Marco Polos.
favorite_border
You don't need to have any special knowledge or insights to be an effective AccountaBuddy or to have a Buddy support you - the essential role is of listening, empathizing and supporting the other person in finding their own solutions to the challenges they face.
It's also possible that you'll end up communicating so regularly about so many different topics that you become friends that far outlast the workshop.
That's what happened
to Marci and Elizabeth
That's what happened
to Marci and Elizabeth
Maximum Progress in 10 weeks:
Add the Support that Comes with Group Coaching Calls
Add the Support that Comes with Group Coaching Calls
For Kaja, adding group coaching calls was invaluable
Some parents see the vastness of the gap between the way they're currently interacting with their children and the way they want to respond in difficult moments and would prefer to get more personalized support.
That's why I also offer optional group coaching calls for an additional fee.
We meet for 90 minutes every other week during the 10 week workshop, on Wednesdays at 9am Pacific starting on Wednesday October 23. Calls are recorded in case you can't attend live.
We'll be a small enough group (maximum 20 participants) that if you want to talk on the call you'll be able to do that.
People who are new to group coaching are often shocked that they learn just as much from seeing other parents being coached from being coached themselves. Very often after one participant describes a very unique experience, another participant will speak up: "You just described me. The situation was different but my experience was exactly the same."
I am present in the online community almost every day and I do try to give detailed responses there. But if you already know that you learn best by hearing others being coached, or you want to talk with me directly about your situation, group coaching could be a good fit for you.
You can select an option to join group coaching calls on this page. If you elect to add them later, it will cost 10% more.
That's why I also offer optional group coaching calls for an additional fee.
We meet for 90 minutes every other week during the 10 week workshop, on Wednesdays at 9am Pacific starting on Wednesday October 23. Calls are recorded in case you can't attend live.
We'll be a small enough group (maximum 20 participants) that if you want to talk on the call you'll be able to do that.
People who are new to group coaching are often shocked that they learn just as much from seeing other parents being coached from being coached themselves. Very often after one participant describes a very unique experience, another participant will speak up: "You just described me. The situation was different but my experience was exactly the same."
I am present in the online community almost every day and I do try to give detailed responses there. But if you already know that you learn best by hearing others being coached, or you want to talk with me directly about your situation, group coaching could be a good fit for you.
You can select an option to join group coaching calls on this page. If you elect to add them later, it will cost 10% more.
Tame Your Triggers & Break the Cycle
More often than you would like, your child:
Doesn't listen
Doesn't do what you ask
Seems 'out of control'
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When this happens, you feel:
Angry
Frustrated
Defeated
mood_bad
Then, you:
Shout
Humiliate
("I can't believe you did that! Why would you do something like that?!")
Maybe even swat or spank
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After you've calmed down, you feel:
- Shame > You know this isn't how you want to parent
- Guilt > You know these interactions aren't helping your child develop the skills they need
- Hopelessness > You don't know what to do differently
After you've calmed down, you feel:
- Shame > You know this isn't how you want to parent
- Guilt > You know these interactions aren't helping your child develop the skills they need
- Hopelessness > You don't know what to do differently
If you want to:
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Be triggered less often by your child's behavior of reacting in the heat of the moment...
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Feel compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration
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Respond to your child from a place that's aligned with your values instead reacting in the heat of the moment...
Taming Your Triggers will help you make this shift!
jody
Finding ease in the chaos:
with our partners AND our children
with our partners AND our children
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Now Jody can defuse conflict even in the most difficult moments between him, his wife, and his children - which isn't 'extra work' for him; it's part of his growth as a human being.
Feel the Difference, See the Difference:
Feel the Difference, See the Difference:
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"I've been determined to break the generational trauma with my own children while holding my triggers like an inevitable nuisance at best and as only human when I lost it and react. It's so incredibly freeing to consider that possibility that I could lay down those chains all together.
I knew coming in that the work to do was my own and only my own. My children are quite literally perfectly imperfect. My triggers are about ME, not them. By doing MY work I free all of us from carrying unhealed pain forward into future generations. What I'm constantly searching for is HOW to do my work. What does "do my work" even mean?
The Taming Your Triggers workshop was a clear, concise and actionable path forward. The workshop gave me very clear steps to take toward being the mother I aspire to be by helping me heal my own hurt.
Since the workshop I'm more patient and have greater capacity. And that's really saying something because it's summer; I'm with my kids 24/7 for 11 weeks!"
- K.D.
"I never would have imagined that my own childhood experiences were having such a huge impact on my daily life as a parent.
Through this workshop I've discovered that my outbursts aren't a character flaw, they're something that can be healed, creating a stronger, healthier relationship with my own children in the process."
- E.B.
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"I used to feel really alone and 'out at sea' with my triggered feelings; I didn't know how much my past trauma had impacted the feelings I have right now. Now I have a plan and support structure, and I've learned really helpful tools to change the way I talk with my children in these difficult moments.
I've realized that how I feel and behave sets the tone for the rest of my family, and when I felt triggered my actions haven't been aligned with my values. Now I have specific tools I can use that DO align with my values and believes, and that alone makes me feel more calm and grounded."
- M.M.
"Where do I start saying how this workshop has helped me? It has helped me to identify that I was even being triggered in the first place. I thought I was just an anxious person and there was no other way. Because of this workshop, I can now identify when I am triggered and step away from my narrow perspective, understand the root of the trigger from my past, and see the bigger picture including what my partner or child might be feeling and perceiving in that moment from me.
The whole workshop was really well structured to both give me insight and help find solutions that work for me. Now I understand much more about how the intergenerational trauma that has happened in my family is impacting my relationship with my son. And I had always known I had issues with my mom, but not the extent to which it affected me on an hourly basis - that module of content dropped a bomb on me that I never saw coming. I'm so glad that I learned tools in the workshop so I don't have to be ruled by that any more. I also learned what hypoarousal is - I saw that I probably spent 50% of my time in this state and had no idea it was even a thing.
I still get triggered and give in to impulse every once in a while now, but FAR less often. What I've learned in the workshop has improved my relationship with both my child and husband and even my relationship with myself. I can honestly say this is the most important and significant accomplishment I've had in my personal life... maybe ever. I wish there was a way to fully convey the value that parents who are experiencing these feelings will get out of this workshop."
- A.H.
lightbulb_outline
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"The way the content was curated, sequenced, and explained made a lot of sense to me. Even though some of the material is already available online, the way the modules were planned out was really helpful on my journey of learning about triggers. The pacing of the workshop helped to give me enough space to do the self-reflection, have time to think over topics, and make the connections across the weeks. I enjoyed the support from other participants and supporting them as well.
I cannot stress enough how much weight this workshop has lifted off my shoulders. It has helped me to tie in everything I've learned on my own journey of respectful parenting, understanding why I was having such a hard time even though I had all the knowledge, and given me a framework to navigate the difficult moments I have with my child more effectively."
- J.F.
Feel the Difference,
See the Difference:
Feel the Difference,
See the Difference:
See the Difference:
lightbulb_outline
"I've been determined to break the generational trauma with my own children while holding my triggers like an inevitable nuisance at best and as only human when I lost it and react. It's so incredibly freeing to consider that possibility that I could lay down those chains all together.
I knew coming in that the work to do was my own and only my own. My children are quite literally perfectly imperfect. My triggers are about ME, not them. By doing MY work I free all of us from carrying unhealed pain forward into future generations. What I'm constantly searching for is HOW to do my work. What does "do my work" even mean?
The Taming Your Triggers workshop was a clear, concise and actionable path forward. The workshop gave me very clear steps to take toward being the mother I aspire to be by helping me heal my own hurt.
Since the workshop I'm more patient and have greater capacity. And that's really saying something because it's summer; I'm with my kids 24/7 for 11 weeks!"
- K.D.
lightbulb_outline
"I never would have imagined that my own childhood experiences were having such a huge impact on my daily life as a parent.
Through this workshop I've discovered that my outbursts aren't a character flaw, they're something that can be healed, creating a stronger, healthier relationship with my own children in the process."
- E.B.
lightbulb_outline
"I used to feel really alone and 'out at sea' with my triggered feelings; I didn't know how much my past trauma had impacted the feelings I have right now. Now I have a plan and support structure, and I've learned really helpful tools to change the way I talk with my children in these difficult moments.
I've realized that how I feel and behave sets the tone for the rest of my family, and when I felt triggered my actions haven't been aligned with how I want them. Now I have specific tools I can use that DO align with my values and believes, and that alone makes me feel more calm and grounded."
- M.M.
lightbulb_outline
"Where do I start saying how this workshop has helped me? It has helped me to identify that I was even being triggered in the first place. I thought I was just an anxious person and there was no other way. Because of this workshop, I can now identify when I am triggered and step away from my narrow perspective, understand the root of the trigger from my past, and see the bigger picture including what my partner or child might be feeling and perceiving in that moment from me.
The whole workshop was really well structured to both give me insight and help find solutions that work for me. Now I understand much more about how the intergenerational trauma that has happened in my family is impacting my relationship with my son. And I had always known I had issues with my mom, but not the extent to which it affected me on an hourly basis - that module of content dropped a bomb on me that I never saw coming. I'm so glad that I learned tools in the workshop so I don't have to be ruled by that any more. I also learned what hypoarousal is - I saw that I probably spent 50% of my time in this state and had no idea it was even a thing.
I still get triggered and give in to impulse every once in a while now, but FAR less often. What I've learned in the workshop has improved my relationship with both my child and husband and even my relationship with myself. I can honestly say this is the most important and significant accomplishment I've had in my personal life... maybe ever. I wish there was a way to fully convey the value that parents who are experiencing these feelings will get out of this workshop."
- A.H.
lightbulb_outline
"The way the content was curated, sequenced, and explained made a lot of sense to me. Even though some of the material is already available online, the way the modules were planned out was really helpful on my journey of learning about triggers. The pacing of the workshop helped to give me enough space to do the self-reflection, have time to think over topics, and make the connections across the weeks. I enjoyed the support from other participants and supporting them as well.
I cannot stress enough how much weight this workshop has lifted off my shoulders. It has helped me to tie in everything I've learned on my own journey of respectful parenting, understanding why I was having such a hard time even though I had all the knowledge, and given me a framework to navigate the difficult moments I have with my child more effectively."
- J.F.
Knowledge is important...
but we're really looking for
a non-cognitive shift
Knowledge is important...
but we're weally
looking for a
non-cognitive shift
but we're weally
looking for a
non-cognitive shift
So many parents have found success with the techniques you'll learn in the Taming Your Triggers workshop.
In the course you'll learn the real causes of your triggered feelings, and new tools to respond to your child from a place that's grounded in your values.
We alternate this content so you can gain insight into the sources of your triggers even as you're learning and practicing the tools you'll need to do things differently.
Yes, the knowledge is important. You can't do this without it.
In Western culture, we're taught that knowledge is everything:
In the course you'll learn the real causes of your triggered feelings, and new tools to respond to your child from a place that's grounded in your values.
We alternate this content so you can gain insight into the sources of your triggers even as you're learning and practicing the tools you'll need to do things differently.
Yes, the knowledge is important. You can't do this without it.
In Western culture, we're taught that knowledge is everything:
So many parents have found success with the techniques you'll learn in the Taming Your Triggers workshop.
In the course you'll learn the real causes of your triggered feelings, and new tools to respond to your child from a place that's grounded in your values.
We alternate this content so you can gain insight into the sources of your triggers even as you're learning and practicing the tools you'll need to do things differently.
Yes, the knowledge is important. You can't do this without it.
In Western culture, we're taught that knowledge is everything:
In the course you'll learn the real causes of your triggered feelings, and new tools to respond to your child from a place that's grounded in your values.
We alternate this content so you can gain insight into the sources of your triggers even as you're learning and practicing the tools you'll need to do things differently.
Yes, the knowledge is important. You can't do this without it.
In Western culture, we're taught that knowledge is everything:
Yes, the knowledge is important. You can't do this without it.
In Western culture, we're taught that knowledge is everything:
In Western culture, we're taught that knowledge is everything:
Knowledge + Willpower = Change
Knowledge +
Willpower = Change
If you have the knowledge and you haven't made the change you want to see, then clearly you lack the needed willpower.
If you're reading this page, then probably you've tried a good number of things already - but you still haven't made the change you want to see. So you're at fault, right? Your lack of willpower is the problem.
But what I see when I work with parents is that the knowledge isn't actually the thing that shifts for them.
If you're reading this page, then probably you've tried a good number of things already - but you still haven't made the change you want to see. So you're at fault, right? Your lack of willpower is the problem.
But what I see when I work with parents is that the knowledge isn't actually the thing that shifts for them.
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It's seeing other parents struggle with the same things they're struggling with...
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It's understanding that they aren't alone...
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It's watching insights unfold for other people that cast new light on their own struggles
If you have the knowledge and you haven't made the change you want to see, then clearly you lack the needed willpower.
If you're reading this page, then probably you've tried a good number of things already - but you still haven't made the change you want to see. So you're at fault, right? Your lack of willpower is the problem.
But what I see when I work with parents is that the knowledge isn't actually the thing that shifts for them.
If you're reading this page, then probably you've tried a good number of things already - but you still haven't made the change you want to see. So you're at fault, right? Your lack of willpower is the problem.
But what I see when I work with parents is that the knowledge isn't actually the thing that shifts for them.
arrow_forward
It's seeing other parents struggle with the same things they're struggling with...
arrow_forward
It's understanding that they aren't alone...
arrow_forward
It's watching insights unfold for other people that cast new light on their own struggles
Here's how the community shifted things for Parent N.
With less stress coming from her relationship with her mother, N has more emotional bandwidth for her child and feels triggered less often.
Knowledge was important here - but not the most important part of N's learning.
What really brought about the shift was learning in community - seeing others struggle and imagining her own mother struggling too helped her to translate her sympathy into empathy.
It wasn't something she convinced herself to do in her brain; it was a non-cognitive shift in her body.
There's simply no other community like this, which forms around a shared dedication to interrupting cycles of intergenerational trauma so our children don't have to suffer in the same way that we have suffered.
Knowledge was important here - but not the most important part of N's learning.
What really brought about the shift was learning in community - seeing others struggle and imagining her own mother struggling too helped her to translate her sympathy into empathy.
It wasn't something she convinced herself to do in her brain; it was a non-cognitive shift in her body.
There's simply no other community like this, which forms around a shared dedication to interrupting cycles of intergenerational trauma so our children don't have to suffer in the same way that we have suffered.
(Please note that the workshop isn't just for people whose parents were alcoholics...people who feel triggered for all kinds of different reasons can experience these non-cognitive shifts.)
Here's a non-cognitive shift that parent N. described at the end of the workshop:
"I've been in therapy around my mom stuff for a long time. I learned that she really didn't remember what I did due to her alcoholism... she just really doesn't remember what I remember. It's been hard for me to accept because it formed me so much.
But over the course of this program I have felt a lot unfold. I think seeing other moms be in the place that I think my mom was helped me to see her as a 20 something mom with lots of unprocessed trauma. Though I "knew" the trauma she had suffered before, I couldn't let go of my anger. I had sympathy, but not empathy.
And for the first time in my life I wanted to make amends. I've wanted to be 'ok' before, I worked very hard to keep a relationship. But for me to clear this piece of my karmic path, I needed to forgive.
But I couldn't just say it, I needed to be it. I needed to be forgiveness. I don't know how to explain it, but it's like a whole body forgiveness.
And not once in my life of learning and working on this have I felt this deep inside. But I did now. During this program. And this is the text I wrote to my mom:
Me: So, this isn't the best thing to text and you're with friends but I just need to say it. I've been in a parenting class that's been super helpful for me in processing a lot of feelings. And I just want you to know that I love you, and I truly and deeply forgive you for everything in the past. And I hope we can just keep moving forward, because you're a great mom and grandma. I love you.
Mom: Thank you for this. It makes my life so much better. I love you too.
Me: I mean it.
Mom: I really appreciate your tell me. I worry about you and me all the time. I'm so happy now. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Me: Me too ;) Sorry it's taken me so long to get here."
Mom: Thank you for this. It makes my life so much better. I love you too.
Me: I mean it.
Mom: I really appreciate your tell me. I worry about you and me all the time. I'm so happy now. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Me: Me too ;) Sorry it's taken me so long to get here."
(Please note that the workshop isn't just for people whose parents were alcoholics...people who feel triggered for all kinds of different reasons can experience these non-cognitive shifts.)
With less stress coming from her relationship with her mother, N has more emotional bandwidth for her child and feels triggered a lot less often.
Knowledge was important here - but not the most important part of N's learning.
What really brought about the shift was learning in community - seeing others struggle and imagining her own mother struggling too helped her to translate her sympathy into empathy.
It wasn't something she convinced herself to do in her brain; it was a non-cognitive shift in her body.
There's simply no other community like this, which forms around a shared dedication to interrupting cycles of intergenerational trauma so our children don't have to suffer in the same way that we have suffered.
chrystal
Becoming a fulfilled parent
whose needs are met
whose needs are met
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Divider Text
Chrystal learned tools to inspire genuine cooperation from her children where there used to be resistance and struggle.
Pattern-Breaking Practices
to Make Your Learning Real
to Make Your Learning Real
One of the core skills we learn in the workshop is how to create a pause between your child's difficult behavior and your triggered response using mindfulness-based tools. But too often we have a nice quiet mindfulness practice by ourselves... and then can't translate that to the challenging moments.
The workshop provides a set of 20+ short (3-5 minutes!) audio practices to help you create the pause, and to heal from the hurts that have caused your triggered feelings. When you do these 2-3 times per day (this is about 1% of the minutes in your day), you will see a dramatic increase in your ability to remember and use these tools when you need them - and also avoid feeling triggered as often in the first place.
Once you have that pause, everything becomes possible. We'll help you to work with your child to meet the need that's underneath their difficult behavior - and also meet your needs.
The workshop provides a set of 20+ short (3-5 minutes!) audio practices to help you create the pause, and to heal from the hurts that have caused your triggered feelings. When you do these 2-3 times per day (this is about 1% of the minutes in your day), you will see a dramatic increase in your ability to remember and use these tools when you need them - and also avoid feeling triggered as often in the first place.
Once you have that pause, everything becomes possible. We'll help you to work with your child to meet the need that's underneath their difficult behavior - and also meet your needs.
Taming Your Triggers
Success Path
Make progress along the Success Path during Taming Your Triggers:
No matter where you're starting out.
No matter where you're starting out.
directions_run
stage 1: COMMIT
You're in the Commit stage if:
You're feeling overwhelmed. You may have read multiple books and listened to lots of podcast episodes on parenting, and yet in the difficult moments, your mind goes blank. You know something has to change, and you're ready to make it happen!
The skills you have at this stage
- You know that you and your child can't go on like this
- You believe that things can be better
- You're willing to try new tools to create a calmer family atmosphere
What to focus on to master this stage
- Understand that your child's behavior is an expression of their needs
- Know what a window of tolerance is and learn what widens and narrows yours
directions_run
stage 2: LEARN
You're in the Learn stage if:
You have a better understanding of why you feel triggered and what you can do to stay calm. You even start taking an some actions, like meditating or trying to understand your child's needs, but you can't stop yourself from exploding at your child's behavior.
The skills you have at this stage
- You have tried a mindfulness activity
- You attempted to understand your child's feelings and/or needs in a particular situation
- You are becoming aware of your own needs
What to focus on to master this stage
- Be mindful of the ways you widen your window of tolerance and start to incorporate them in your daily life
- Identify your and your child's feelings and needs in a difficult situation
- Have a problem-solving conversation with your child
directions_run
stage 3: PRACTICE
You're in the Practice stage if:
Sometimes you can create a micro-pause between your child's difficult behavior and your reaction, but it isn't usually long enough to stop yourself from saying something shaming to your child. You're getting good at repairing with them! Your child is starting to share their feelings and needs with you.
The skills you have at this stage
- The micro-pause is a good sign! With time, it will continue to lengthen.
- When your child shares their needs, you can sometimes find strategies to meet both of your needs (although sometimes you get hung up on competing strategies).
- Your self-care practice is stronger, and you're feeling a little more settled.
What to focus on to master this stage
- Focus non-judgmentally on celebrating the micro-pauses, and not beating yourself up for still saying/doing things you regret
- Point to the successful problem solving conversation(s) you've had, so your child will be more willing to have more of them
- Schedule regular time for activities that meet your needs (activities that give you more energy than it takes to do them)
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stage 4: INTEGRATE
You're in the Integrate stage if:
Taking care of yourself and having problem-solving conversations are beginning to be integrated into your and your children's daily life, not just things you do when you remember. Sometimes you can use a longer pause to stop yourself from shouting or saying something shaming in difficult moments.
The skills you have at this stage
- You logically know that what's happening in the moment has more to do with your thoughts or judgements of the situation than your child's actual behavior.
- You stop yourself from losing your temper most of the time. When you don't, you go back and repair with your child
- You know what your and your child's needs are and can often find strategies to meet both of your needs, sometimes even during difficult moments
What to focus on to master this stage
- Identify your and your child's feelings and needs in a difficult situation
- Try different strategies to meet everyone's needs, viewing this as an iterative practice not a one-and-done
- Learn and practice effective relationship repair skills (e.g. joint storytelling)
directions_run
stage 5: ENJOY
You're in the Enjoy stage if:
You prioritize meeting everyone's needs. When that can't happen, you establish a boundary before setting a limit. You understand that your child's behavior isn't about you - just as how your behavior isn't about them! You notice your body's signals when you're about to lose your temper, and find ways to soothe yourself while supporting your child. Life feels calmer, more connected, and more joyful.
The skills you have at this stage
- You have had a non-cognitive shift and you can focus on the present moment, instead of your thoughts about the moment (so you don't catastrophize as much)
- You don't take your child's behavior personally and can stay calm when they have big feelings
- You are aware of when you or your child heading into the red zone and know how to either prevent it from happening or ride it out
What to focus on to master this stage
- Follow the hierarchy of tools: 1. Meet needs 2. Establish a boundary 3. Set a limit
- Have problem-solving conversations on a regular basis
- Prioritize meeting your needs, because you have self-worth, not just because it makes you a better parent
Taming Your Triggers
Fall Workshop
Proven and ready to help you & your family...
Taming Your Triggers
Success Path
Make progress along the Success Path during Taming Your Triggers:
No matter where you're starting out.
No matter where you're starting out.
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stage 1: COMMIT
You're in the Commit stage if:
You're feeling overwhelmed. You may have read multiple books and listened to lots of podcast episodes on parenting, and yet in the difficult moments, your mind goes blank. You know something has to change, and you're ready to make it happen!
The skills you have at this stage
- You know that you and your child can't go on like this
- You believe that things can be better
- You're willing to try new tools to create a calmer family atmosphere
What to focus on to master this stage
- Understand that your child's behavior is an expression of their needs
- Know what a window of tolerance is and learn what widens and narrows yours
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stage 2: LEARN
You're in the Learn stage if:
You have a better understanding of why you feel triggered and what you can do to stay calm. You even start taking an some actions, like meditating or trying to understand your child's needs, but you can't stop yourself from exploding at your child's behavior.
The skills you have at this stage
- You have tried a mindfulness activity
- You attempted to understand your child's feelings and/or needs in a particular situation
- You are becoming aware of your own needs
What to focus on to master this stage
- Be mindful of the ways you widen your window of tolerance and start to incorporate them in your daily life
- Identify your and your child's feelings and needs in a difficult situation
- Have a problem-solving conversation with your child
directions_run
stage 3: PRACTICE
You're in the Practice stage if:
Sometimes you can create a micro-pause between your child's difficult behavior and your reaction, but it isn't usually long enough to stop yourself from saying something shaming to your child. You're getting good at repairing with them! Your child is starting to share their feelings and needs with you.
The skills you have at this stage
- The micro-pause is a good sign! With time, it will continue to lengthen.
- When your child shares their needs, you can sometimes find strategies to meet both of your needs (although sometimes you get hung up on competing strategies).
- Your self-care practice is stronger, and you're feeling a little more settled.
What to focus on to master this stage
- Focus non-judgmentally on celebrating the micro-pauses, and not beating yourself up for still saying/doing things you regret
- Point to the successful problem solving conversation(s) you've had, so your child will be more willing to have more of them
- Schedule regular time for activities that meet your needs (activities that give you more energy than it takes to do them)
directions_run
stage 4: INTEGRATE
You're in the Integrate stage if:
Taking care of yourself and having problem-solving conversations are beginning to be integrated into your and your children's daily life, not just things you do when you remember. Sometimes you can use a longer pause to stop yourself from shouting or saying something shaming in difficult moments.
The skills you have at this stage
- You logically know that what's happening in the moment has more to do with your thoughts or judgements of the situation than your child's actual behavior.
- You stop yourself from losing your temper most of the time. When you don't, you go back and repair with your child
- You know what your and your child's needs are and can often find strategies to meet both of your needs, sometimes even during difficult moments
What to focus on to master this stage
- Identify your and your child's feelings and needs in a difficult situation
- Try different strategies to meet everyone's needs, viewing this as an iterative practice not a one-and-done
- Learn and practice effective relationship repair skills (e.g. joint storytelling)
directions_run
stage 5: ENJOY
You're in the Enjoy stage if:
You prioritize meeting everyone's needs. When that can't happen, you establish a boundary before setting a limit. You understand that your child's behavior isn't about you - just as how your behavior isn't about them! You notice your body's signals when you're about to lose your temper, and find ways to soothe yourself while supporting your child. Life feels calmer, more connected, and more joyful.
The skills you have at this stage
- You have had a non-cognitive shift and you can focus on the present moment, instead of your thoughts about the moment (so you don't catastrophize as much)
- You don't take your child's behavior personally and can stay calm when they have big feelings
- You are aware of when you or your child heading into the red zone and know how to either prevent it from happening or ride it out
What to focus on to master this stage
- Follow the hierarchy of tools: 1. Meet needs 2. Establish a boundary 3. Set a limit
- Have problem-solving conversations on a regular basis
- Prioritize meeting your needs, because you have self-worth, not just because it makes you a better parent
Taming Your Triggers
Fall Workshop
Proven and ready to help you & your family...
liann
When we care for ourselves,
we're triggered less often
we're triggered less often
arrow_drop_down_circle
Divider Text
Liann used to be so angry... now she meets her needs first, not so she can be a better parent, but because she's human and deserves to have her needs met.
And from there, she's angry much less often.
liann
When we care for ourselves,
we're triggered less often
we're triggered less often
arrow_drop_down_circle
Divider Text
Liann used to be so angry... now she meets her needs first, not so she can be a better parent, but because she's human and deserves to have her needs met.
And from there, she's angry much less often.
1. I want to do this, but I’m already spread wayyyy to thin. How much time is this going to take?
I hear you:-)
The amount of benefit you get for the work you put into this workshop is unparalleled.
You'll receive new content once a week which will take you 10 minutes to read. A homework exercise will take another 5-30 minutes. The Pattern-Breaking Practices will take 10-15 minutes each day.
You'll likely appreciate giving support to others and receiving it from them in our private community as you see that you are not alone on this journey.
It's a very minimal time commitment for what most parents find to be a life-changing benefit.
2. Do I need to be on Facebook to participate in the community?
No! I've been hearing from parents for a while now that they want to join my programs but don't want to be on Facebook, so I'm using a new (distraction-free!) service to host this community. No Facebook required.
3. Do you offer any kind of discount?
In the past, parents have found the interaction between sliding scale pricing and the coaching calls to be difficult to understand. Many thought that coaching calls were included in the main workshop price, but to do this with four sliding scale options would require eight different prices - too much for anyone to navigate.
This is why we have simplified the options this time around. If you cannot afford even the lowest potential option, please get in touch at support@yourparentingmojo.com and propose a price that balances the value you think you will get out of the workshop and your ability to pay.
My ability to provide this option relies on other parents' willingness to pay the full fee. Please do pay the highest price you can afford.
4. I'd like to take this workshop with my partner. Do we need to pay twice?
Firstly, welcome! I definitely encourage couples to take this workshop together as it helps you to be more supportive of each other in the difficult moments because you'll both know how hard you're working on this. I ask that couples who are taking the workshop together each sign up individiually.
This enables each of you to be able to post and comment in our community, and also be matched with your own AccountaBuddy. Your partner has too much at stake in your relationship to be an effective Buddy - it sounds strange, but someone you'll never meet can provide a container for complete honesty as you're addressing trauma much more effectively than your partner can. You can always share your insights with your partner later!
If you cannot afford to pay for two enrollments at the full fee, please email support@yourparentingmojo.com and propose a price that balances the value you think you will get out of the workshop and your ability to pay.
Because this workshop offers so much support, it does add work for me and my team to support two people than to support one, and my ability to offer discounted pricing relies on other parents' willingness to pay the full fee. Please do pay the highest price you can afford.
5. Who will benefit most from the workshop?
If you find yourself having (what you feel to be) extreme reactions - whether these are the yelling/punishing kind, the shutting down kind, the walking away kind or even the "I'll do anything to make it stop" kind - to your child's age-appropriate behavior, this workshop is for you.
If you know all the peaceful/respectful parenting tools but just can't figure out how to apply them in the heat of the moment, this workshop is for you.
If you realize you've been trying to change your child's behavior so you won't have these kinds of reactions any more (so you're focusing on your child, instead of yourself), this workshop is for you.
6. For how long can I access the workshop materials?
You'll have lifetime access to the materials on our beautiful, custom-designed learning platform.
But please don't sign up for the workshop thinking "I don't really have time now but I'll sign up and come back to it later." I want you to gain the full benefit of being in the workshop and you're most likely to do that if you go through most of the material with the group, when we can support you in staying on track and answer your questions as you go.
7. How much access do I get to Jen during the workshop?
I'm in the community almost every day. This isn't me selling you a workshop and then waving goodbye as you go off and access all the materials by yourself, and talk only with the other participants.If you have a question, you'll hear thoughts shared by other participants, but you'll also get input from our community manager, one of our amazing peer coaches, and/or me.
We make sure you get the information and support you need to make progress on this journey.
Fortunately I type quickly, and you may even get long responses. But we are limited by how much I can physically type in the hours I have, so if you know you need a LOT of support, then you may want to add group coaching calls so we can speak directly.
8. I'm still just not sure the workshop is right for me. How can I decide?
If you were my coaching client, I’d encourage you to take these steps to help you make the decision:
Ask your logical left brain: What are the benefits I would get from joining?
Ask your intuitive right brain and your body: Do I want to join? Do you feel a sense of longing or anticipation in your body as you imagine creating a different relationship with your child? Does it ‘feel’ like a fit, even if you can’t fully articulate why in words? We are taught to ignore our intuition in favor of rational arguments, but our physical sensations can tell us a lot about our experience if we know how to listen.
Ask both your logical left brain and intuitive right brain/body: What’s holding me back? Are you wondering how this could work when so many other tools you’ve tried have failed? Are you worried about needing to interact with other parents as you do this work? What’s behind these fears? Are these voices the ones that should make the decisions about your relationship with your child?
Cast your mind forward just ten weeks. What would you like your relationship with your child to be like by then? Would you like to feel confident that no matter what your child does, that you can respond (rather than react!) with calm and confidence - and that you won't wish afterward that you'd handled it differently? If so, come on in!
Have more questions? Just email support@yourparentingmojo.com and we’ll get right back to you.
9. Do I HAVE to match with an AccountaBuddy?
We highly encourage, but do not require you to match with an AccountaBuddy.
We tend to find that it isn't the knowledge I offer but rather how you process that knowledge in community with others that helps you to actually make the changes you want to see.
You could certainly do that processing in our not-on-Facebook community and/or on group coaching calls (available for an extra fee), if those options would be a better fit for you.
The AccountaBuddy structure can also help you to stay on track with the content when life might otherwise get in the way, which is important to us because we want you to get the benefit you signed up for! We trust that you'll make the best decision for you.
Note: I'm indebted to Alexis Cunningham at Worts & Cunning Apothecary for her ideas on sliding scales that I have adopted.
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© Jen Lumanlan 2024 - All Rights Reserved
Your Parenting Mojo acknowledges the Lisjan Ohlone people, the rightful stewards of the land on which we live and work. While the Lisjan Ohlone people can never be fully compensated for the harms that the legacy of colonialism has wrought, we pay the Shuumi Land Tax as recognition that more than words are needed, and we encourage others to engage meaningfully (including financially) with their local Indigenous communities.