55 Ways to Support, Encourage, and Celebrate Your Child Without Praise

In a recent podcast episode called Does praise help or hurt your child? What research actually shows, I explored how praise can function as a subtle form of control that undermines our relationship with our children. While well-intentioned, praise often creates dependency on external validation rather than fostering genuine connection.

 

Below are practical alternatives that acknowledge and honor your child’s efforts and achievements, while building authentic connection and supporting their developing sense of self.

 

 

Click here to download the list of 55 Ways to Support, Encourage, and Celebrate Your Child Without Praise

 

Express Genuine Appreciation

1. Share the specific impact their action had on you: “Thank you for setting the table. It made preparing dinner much easier for me.”
2. Express authentic gratitude for their contribution: “I appreciate your help carrying the groceries.”
3. Acknowledge their thoughtfulness (without labeling it as such): “You remembered to bring a pen [when we’re rushing to the grocery store]! Thanks so much for thinking of that for me.”
4. Share how their actions benefited others: “Your sister smiled when you shared your toys with her.”
5. Simply say “thank you” or “thank you for doing X” without adding evaluative language.

 

Notice Without Judgment

6. Describe what you observe without evaluating: “I see you used lots of blues and greens in your painting.”
7. Point out details that caught your attention: “You’re balancing on one foot while building that tower.”
8. Make neutral observations about their process: “You’re really focusing on lining up those blocks exactly.”
9. Comment on changes you notice: “I remember when that was difficult for you, and now you’re doing it more easily.”
10. Acknowledge effort without judgment: “You worked on that puzzle for a long time.”

 

Use Descriptive Language Instead of Evaluative Language

11. Replace “good listening” with “Thanks so much for doing what I asked.”
12. Instead of “I’m proud of you,” try “You accomplished something challenging.”
13. Rather than “good job sharing,” say “You gave half your cookie to your brother.  He’s smiling now.”
14. Instead of “you’re so smart,” try “You found a creative solution to that problem.”
15. Instead of “beautiful drawing,” try “You used so many different colors in your picture.”

 

Ask Meaningful Questions

16. Inquire about their experience: “How did it feel to climb all the way to the top?”
17. Ask about their process: “How did you figure out how to solve that problem?”
18. Invite them to reflect on challenges: “What was the trickiest part of doing that?”
19. Show curiosity about their thinking: “What made you decide to use that color?”
20. Ask what they might do differently next time: “If you were to build that again, would you make any different choices?”
21. Encourage self-evaluation: “Are you satisfied with how it turned out?”

 

Connect Through Shared Experience

22. Reminisce about related experiences: “Remember when we first tried making bread together? What do you notice about how this loaf is different from that one?”
23. Share your own similar experiences: “I also find it challenging to wait my turn sometimes.  It seems like it helps both of us to have plans for how we can use waiting time.”
24. Engage in side-by-side activities without commentary or evaluation.
25. Offer your supportive presence during difficult tasks without taking over.
26. Participate in their world on their terms: “I’d love to hear more about how you build these structures.  Would you like to show me?”
27. Show genuine interest by giving your full attention when they share something important to them.

 

Create Connection Through Physical Presence

28. Offer a hug, high five, or other physical connection (respecting their preferences).
29. Sit quietly beside them while they work on something challenging.
30. Make eye contact and smile genuinely when they look to you for connection.
31. Use touch thoughtfully to communicate “I’m here” during difficult moments.
32. Create physical rituals like special handshakes that build connection.

 

Provide Emotional Support

33. Validate feelings: “It can feel frustrating when things don’t work out how you planned.”
34. Offer empathy during struggles: “That looks really challenging.  I’ll be here if you see a way I can help.”
35. tand witness to difficult emotions without trying to fix them.
36. Express confidence without pressure: “You’ll figure out what works for you.”
37. Reassure them that struggling is part of learning: “Everyone finds new things difficult at first.”
38. Remind them you care regardless of outcomes: “No matter what happens, I’m here for you.”

 

Support Autonomy and Growth

39. Offer resources without taking over: “Here’s a tool that might help, if you’d like to use it.”
40. Acknowledge their right to make choices: “You decided to wear your Crocs today.  Shall I also bring your rain boots in case it rains later?”
41. Respect their timeline: “Your brain is still learning how to do it.  It’ll get easier with time and practice.  Today you did X, which is progress from last week.”
42. Honor their decisions: “You chose to take a break when you felt frustrated.”
43. Recognize when they’ve taken responsibility: “You brought your library books without a reminder today!”

 

Help Children Recognize Their Learning

44. Encourage reflection: “What did you learn from trying that?”
45. Point out progress over time: “Last month this was challenging, and you kept working at it.  Now it seems like it’s a bit easier.  Does it seem that way to you, too?”
46. Ask them to notice changes in their abilities: “What can you do now that you couldn’t do before?”
47. Wonder together about next steps: “I wonder what you might try next time?”
48. Help them identify strategies that worked: “Which approach worked best for you?”
49. Invite them to document their learning journey through photos or journals.

 

Celebrate Achievements Authentically

50. Express genuine excitement: “Wow! You did it!”
51. Join in their joy without making it about your approval: “You look really happy about finishing that!”
52. Mark milestones without judgment: “You’ve been working toward this for a while, and it’s finally done!  How do you feel?”
53. Acknowledge persistence: “You kept trying different approaches until you found one that worked.”

54. Respect when they don’t want to share or celebrate something.
55. Create rituals that are meaningful to your child for honoring important moments (without performance pressure).  These could include:
    • A weekly ‘story of growth’ dinner conversation where each family member shares something they worked through
    • Photo journaling progress over time that the child can review
    • Inviting the child to share their accomplishment with a loved one they choose
    • Having the child teach others their new skill
    • Adding beads to a ‘journey necklace’ representing challenges overcome
    • Recording audio or video of the child explaining what they’ve learned in their own words