When we were little we had a lot of needs. We wanted to be seen and known and understood for who we really were. We wanted to make decisions about things that mattered to us. And we wanted to belong in our family.
Our parents found it hard to cope with our behavior, so they told us (verbally or nonverbally): “You are too much. When you stop being too much, we will reward you with love and attention and belonging in our family.”
You may have tried to resist when you were small (or perhaps it didn’t come out until the difficult teenage years) but over time you stopped communicating your need to be seen and known, and for autonomy, because the threat of not belonging was so scary it was impossible to consider.
Eventually you may have even forgotten that you have needs.
You were squashed…your needs were squashed…but your child hasn’t been squashed yet.
Your child is still telling you: “I HAVE NEEDS!”
They just don’t always know how to communicate those needs to you in a way that you can easily understand.
That’s where I can help.