135: 5 reasons respectful parenting is so hard

This episode grew out of a post that long-time friend of the podcast, Dr. Laura Froyen, published in a respectful parenting group that we both work in as admins.  In the post she asked people to share how they felt before and after they discovered respectful parenting, and then she created a word cloud of the results.


The words in the ‘before’ cloud were perhaps predictable – things like ‘worried,’ ‘overwhelmed,’ ‘resentful,’ and ‘guilty.’


And the most common word in the ‘after respectful parenting’ word cloud?




What on earth is going on here?


In this episode I explore five important reasons why respectful parenting is so hard – and what to do about each of them.


Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits

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Jump to highlights:

  • (01:00) Why we find parenting so hard
  • (01:18) Most prominent words before parents discovered respectful parenting
  • (01:58) Five reasons respectful parenting can be hard
  • (03:03) 1st reason: Our needs that our parents just didn’t see despite doing the best they could
  • (05:22) The trauma of unmet needs
  • (06:09) 2nd reason: The long game that is respectful parenting
  • (08:54) Our culture trains us to want results
  • (09:56) 3rd reason: Our values and what we want to do in an ideal world
  • (10:39) Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting
  • (13:38) Our child’s behavior brings up old trauma
  • (14:10) Shifting the way we see our children
  • (15:12) 4th reason: When we see these values that we want to live
  • (16:37) The tendency to engage in negative self-talk
  • (17:58) Self compassion and mindfulness
  • (19:11) The last (and perhaps not the last) reason
  • (24:47) Super short summary information.



About the author, Jen

Jen Lumanlan (M.S., M.Ed.) hosts the Your Parenting Mojo podcast (www.YourParentingMojo.com), which examines scientific research related to child development through the lens of respectful parenting.

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