113: No Self, No Problem

If you heard the recent episode on Parental Burnout, you’ll know that our identities can become really confusing when we become parents, especially for women.  On one hand, society tells us that we have to work hard and do well so we can Achieve The Dream.  And on the other hand, we’re told that a Good Mother sacrifices everything for her child – including her career.  So what is a parent to do?

This episode brings together a couple of strands of my life that have been existing in parallel for a few months now. A friend of mine introduced me to meditation as a tool that I might find useful to explore when I was struggling with some personal issues. Not only did I find it interesting, but I also found elements of it that helped me to make sense of the situation I was in in a way that I had not been able to do until that point.


Like a lot of people, I had the common perception that meditation consists of sitting quietly on the floor cross-legged with thumb and pointing finger touching, saying ‘ommmm’ but when I looked into the research on mindfulness stress reduction that perception went away pretty fast. It had been shown in the scientific literature to be enormously helpful to people not just in reducing stress but also in reducing the severity of physical symptoms in the body that accompany stress.


But I was still having a hard time reconciling the thousands of scientific research papers I’ve read over the years on how children’s brains develop and some of these new ideas I was learning related mindfulness. And so that is kind of how I discovered Dr. Chris Niebauer and his book No Self, No Problem. After reading it I was able to reconcile those two strands – the psychological research and mindfulness – and I want to share that with you.  Along the way, we’ll gain an understanding of the mind that may help us to overcome some of the challenges associated with Parental Burnout – so even if you’re not officially (clinically) suffering from burnout, this episode could still help you to better reconcile the different aspects of your life and identity.


Taming Your Triggers


If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, Taming Your Triggers will be open for enrollment soon.

We’ll help you to:

  • Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them
  • Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs
  • Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered

It’s a 10-week workshop with one module delivered every week, an amazing community of like-minded parents, a match with an AccountaBuddy to help you complete the workshop, and mini-mindfulness practices to re-ground yourself repeatedly during your days, so you’re less reactive and more able to collaborate with your children. Join the waitlist to be notified when doors reopen.





Dr. Chris Niebauer’s book

No self, no problem – Affiliate link



About the author, Jen

Jen Lumanlan (M.S., M.Ed.) hosts the Your Parenting Mojo podcast (www.YourParentingMojo.com), which examines scientific research related to child development through the lens of respectful parenting.

Leave a Comment