133: How the Things We Learned About Sex Impact Our Children

Today we build on episodes that we’ve done in the past on talking with children about the basics of sex (so when you listen to this episode we’re assuming you’ve got the basics covered – things like using anatomically correct names for body parts and taking basic steps to prevent sexual abuse).


This is the first in a mini-series of episodes that digs deeper into topics related to sex.  Here we talk with Charlotte Rose, co-host of the Speaking of Sex podcast by the Pleasure Mechanics, about what and how we adults learned about sex.
We talk about the shame that pretty much all of us learned to associate with sex (and how to overcome that), and what we can do to improve the chances of having sex with our partner – even if we’re feeling so tired that this currently seems out of the question.


We’re setting the stage here to approach sex from a less pressured, more fun perspective – which will help us in an upcoming episode to figure out what we want to discuss with our children about sex, sexuality, and pleasure.

Jump to highlights:

  • (01:00) Today’s topic and Parenting Membership reopening announcement
  • (02:20) Setting Loving and Effective Limits workshop announcement
  • (03:55) Chris and Charlotte Rose the Pleasure Mechanics
  • (05:16) The primary focus of today’s episode
  • (06:09) Sex isn’t what it used to be before we became parents
  • (08:39) Responsive desire and spontaneous desire
  • (09:17) Erotic simulation and how there is nothing wrong with your sexual relationship
  • (11:54) Creating a culture of pleasure within your relationship
  • (14:42) Continual consent – it doesn’t always need to lead to sex
  • (15:34) Sex is adults at play
  • (17:37) Sex educations centered around abstinence, secrecy, and shame and how we move forward from that
  • (20:39) A parenting opportunity to create a different culture for our children, so that they have to unlearn so much less with regards to sex
  • (22:35) How does shame show up in parents’ sexual relationship?
  • (25:21) So much judgment about sexuality and how it gets in the way of our connection with our partner
  • (29:04) A culture of community care to have these conversations
  • (29:49) Initiation and refusal/rejection
  • (34:36) Mindful sex: How to enjoy sex more
  • (39:27) Finding that balance when having the sex conversation with our children
  • (42:23) Giving kids the building blocks so that they can have an experience to healthy sexuality when it is time for them
  • (45:39) Experiencing self massage in a non sexual way
  • (50:16) Body neutrality
  • (51:36) Wrapping up



Here are the resources we discussed on the show:


Pleasure Mechanics Resources



Other Resources



Made for you by Jen:





About the author, Jen

Jen Lumanlan (M.S., M.Ed.) hosts the Your Parenting Mojo podcast (www.YourParentingMojo.com), which examines scientific research related to child development through the lens of respectful parenting.

Her Finding Your Parenting Mojo membership group supports parents in putting the research into action in their real lives, with their real families. Find more info at www.YourParentingMojo.com/Membership

She also launched the most comprehensive course available to help parents decide whether homeschooling could be right for their family. Find out more about it – and take a free seven-question quiz to get a personalized assessment of your own homeschooling readiness at www.YourHomeschoolingMojo.com

And for parents who are committed to public school but recognize the limitations in that system, she has a course to help support children's learning in school at https://jenlumanlan.teachable.com/p/school

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