How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World

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Latest Episodes & Transcripts

182: How to get frustrating behavior to stop

By Jen Lumanlan | Apr 23, 2023

This episode addresses common challenging behaviors in children, especially their frustrating behavior. Offering hope and practical strategies for parents to navigate and resolve these issues effectively.

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181: Why ‘giving choices’ doesn’t work – and what to do instead

By Jen Lumanlan | Apr 9, 2023

‘Giving choices’ is a hot tool in the respectful parenting world.  In the scripts, it usually goes like this:        Child: “I want a snack!”      Parent: “OK!  Would you like an apple or a banana?”      Child: “A banana, please!”      And the parent hands over the banana.  …

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180: How to get your children to stop fighting

By Jen Lumanlan | Mar 26, 2023

If there’s one topic that never fails to rile parents up, it’s sibling fighting.   Why does it affect us so much?  (There are two main reasons.)   Why is this happening, and what can we do about it?  There are two main reasons, and one strategy to use with each reason.    That’s it!…

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Q&A #2: How do we help children who are ‘falling behind’ without using milestones?

By Jen Lumanlan | Mar 19, 2023

This Q&A episode comes from a special education preschool teacher had listened to the Why We Shouldn’t Read The Your X-Year-Old Child books anymore, and wondered:      My first thought was: There’s no way I’m touching that question, because I don’t have the relevant qualifications and I’ll get torn apart.   I’ve been in…

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179: I Never Thought of It That Way with Mónica Guzmán and Lulu

By Jen Lumanlan | Mar 5, 2023

If you’re anything like me, navigating conflict comes pretty easily to you. You always know what to say to make your point in a tone that’s firm but still inviting, right? You listen for the purpose of understanding the other person and don’t just use the time while the other person is speaking to form…

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178: How to heal your inner critic

By Jen Lumanlan | Feb 19, 2023

Do you ever have that voice in your head that tells you things like: “You shouldn’t have laid in bed for so long; you should have got up earlier to get ready for the day”? Or how about: “You shouldn’t let your kids watch TV; good mothers don’t let their kids watch TV”? Or: “If…

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177: Three ways to be a good parent, even on bad days

By Jen Lumanlan | Feb 5, 2023

    In this episode I take a look at the main reasons why we have these hard days – from our child’s temperament to our temperament to attachment relationships, trauma, and neurodivergences – all of these intersect especially tightly on the hard days.     Then we look at three ways to get through…

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176: How to begin healing shame with A.J. Bond

By Jen Lumanlan | Jan 29, 2023

Do you ever feel ashamed? Many people find it among their most physical emotions, resulting in a big knot of tension or a hot flush that washes over their whole body. But what is shame, and where does it come from?     I recently read a LOT of academic papers and books, and also…

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Q&A #1: Should I let my child hit me, or a pillow?

By Jen Lumanlan | Jan 22, 2023

This episode kicks off a series of new episodes that I’m very excited about, which is based on listeners’ questions. My goal is to produce shorter episodes that cut across the research base to help you answer the questions that are on your mind about your child’s behavior and development.   Our first question comes…

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175: I’ll be me; can you be you?

By Jen Lumanlan | Jan 8, 2023

In this most personal episode I’ve ever created, I’ll share with you how my autism self-diagnosis has helped me to understand the experiences I’ve had in ways that bring a great deal more clarity and insight than I’ve had up to now.   In addition to hearing from me, you’ll hear the actual voicemail the…

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174: Support for Neurodivergent Parents with Dr. Rahimeh Andalibian & Sara Goodrich

By Jen Lumanlan | Dec 18, 2022

Most of the resources related to parenting and neurodiversity are geared toward helping neurodivergent children, not neurodivergent parents, so this episode aims to help close that gap. Whether you (or your partner, if you have one) have a diagnosis or you see yourself (or them) struggling but can’t quite figure out why, this episode may…

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173: Why we shouldn’t read the “Your X-Year-Old Child” books any more

By Jen Lumanlan | Dec 4, 2022

Have you ever seen recommendations for the books called Your One Year Old, Your Two Year Old, and so on, by Louise Bates Ames?  Every few weeks I see parents posting in online communities asking about some aspect of their child’s behavior that is confusing or annoying to them, and somebody responds: “You should read…

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