How to Help Children Who Procrastinate

Key takeaways

1. Children procrastinate to avoid negative feelings like anxiety, fear of failure, or uncertainty.
2. Teaching children self-forgiveness and self-compassion reduces shame and guilt, which actually helps prevent future procrastination rather than enabling it.
3. Teaching children to break tasks into small, manageable pieces makes starting easier.
4. Visual exercises like ‘paper doll chains’ help children understand how today’s actions affect tomorrow’s reality.
5. Creating the right conditions (clear expectations, reduced distractions, gentle accountability) helps children develop better habits, while overly strict approaches can increase anxiety and avoidance.

 

“Just five more minutes of Minecraft first!” your child pleads as you remind them—for the third time—about the science project due tomorrow. Despite having two weeks to work on it, here you are again, facing a night of rushed work and mounting frustration. Sound familiar? If you’re nodding your head, you’re part of the vast community of parents watching your children struggle with procrastination—and feeling powerless to help.

 

Procrastination is a challenge that affects people of all ages, including children. Whether it’s delaying homework, putting off chores, or avoiding responsibilities, procrastination can create stress, lower confidence, and lead to poor outcomes. As parents, we want to support our children in developing healthy habits, but we often struggle with how to do so effectively.

 

Based on insights from my interview with Dr. Fuschia Sirois, a professor at Durham University, expert in procrastination research, and author of Procrastination: What it is, why it’s a problem, and what you can do about it, this blog post will explore the roots of procrastination, its emotional underpinnings, and practical strategies to help children navigate and overcome it.

 

Understanding procrastination: more than just laziness

Many people mistakenly believe that procrastination is simply a result of laziness or poor time management. However, research shows that procrastination is deeply connected to emotional regulation.

 

Dr. Sirois defines procrastination as the unnecessary, voluntary delay of an intended task despite knowing that it may cause harm. Unlike mere delay, which can sometimes be strategic, procrastination happens when emotions—such as anxiety, uncertainty, or fear of failure—drive avoidance.

 

Children, like adults, may procrastinate because:

• A task feels overwhelming.
• They are afraid of making mistakes or failing.
• They experience uncertainty about what is expected.
• They are distracted or overstimulated.
• They lack motivation because the task does not feel meaningful.

 

Instead of seeing procrastination as a flaw, we should understand it as a response to negative emotions.

 

Why children procrastinate

Procrastination often begins in childhood and can be influenced by parenting styles, academic pressures, and a child’s own temperament.

 

1. Emotion regulation difficulties

Children who struggle to manage their emotions are more likely to procrastinate. When a child hasn’t yet developed strong skills for regulating emotions, they often avoid tasks that trigger uncomfortable feelings. For example, when homework creates anxiety or boredom, instead of working through these challenging emotions, they might delay starting their assignment.

 

2. Perfectionism and fear of failure

Some children put off tasks because they fear not meeting high standards.When a child struggles with perfectionist tendencies, they may delay starting rather than risk doing a “bad” job. The child might think, “If I can’t do this perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.” What parents often don’t realize is that this avoidance isn’t laziness—it’s an attempt to manage intense emotional discomfort.

 

3. Social pressures and shame

Kids may also procrastinate due to perceived social judgments. If they think others will see them as “not smart enough” or “not good enough,” they may avoid tasks to protect their self-esteem. This connection between shame and procrastination creates a cycle where children delay work to avoid potential judgment, which provides temporary emotional relief but ultimately reinforces their fears and anxiety about performance. Rather than risk embarrassment, children choose avoidance as a strategy.

 

4. Task ambiguity and uncertainty

Children often procrastinate when they do not fully understand a task. Lack of clear instructions or expectations can make starting an assignment feel impossible. When a child stares at an assignment sheet or project description and feels confused about what’s being asked, their natural response is often to put it aside rather than risk doing it incorrectly.

 

5. Habitual avoidance and instant gratification

If children are used to avoiding uncomfortable tasks by turning to distractions (e.g., screens, play), they may develop a habit of procrastination, reinforcing the cycle over time. This pattern is particularly evident in struggles with screen time and video game management that many families experience. When children encounter discomfort with schoolwork or responsibilities, digital entertainment offers immediate escape and gratification.

 

6. Bedtime procrastination

Many children delay bedtime, even when they know they’ll feel tired the next day. This often happens because they feel like they haven’t had enough fun during the day, they want to avoid tomorrow’s responsibilities, or they use screens or activities to distract from stress.

 

How parents can help children stop procrastinating

As parents, our role is not to “fix” procrastination but to help children build the skills they need to manage it. Here are some effective strategies.

 

1. Focus on emotion management, not just time management

Since procrastination is largely about avoiding negative emotions, helping children identify and regulate their emotions is key.

• Explore the emotions behind procrastination. Instead of asking “Why aren’t you doing this?” try “How are you feeling about this task?” to help children identify feelings of shame or anxiety.
• Validate their feelings. If your child is anxious about an assignment, acknowledge their feelings: “I can see this feels overwhelming for you.”
• Help them reframe challenges. Instead of “This is too hard,” encourage a growth mindset: “This is tricky, but I can take it step by step.”
• Practice calming techniques. Breathing exercises, short breaks, or a fun transition activity can help lower stress before starting a task.
• Model healthy emotional regulation. Children learn how to handle difficult emotions by watching us. When you’re struggling with a task, avoid hiding your feelings or simply avoiding the task without explanation. Instead, verbalize your emotions and demonstrate constructive ways to work through them.

 

2. Teach self-compassion and forgiveness

Children who procrastinate often feel guilty and self-critical. Teach them self-compassion:

• Instead of “I’m lazy,” encourage “I’m learning how to handle difficult tasks.”
• Model self-forgiveness: “I didn’t finish my work today, but I’ll make a plan to do it tomorrow.”

Self-forgiveness has been shown to reduce future procrastination, as it helps children move forward without being weighed down by shame.

 

3. Break down tasks into smaller steps

Overwhelming tasks can trigger avoidance. Help your child break assignments into tiny, manageable pieces:

• If they need to write a report, start with just brainstorming ideas.
• If they have chores, focus on one step at a time (e.g., “Put away five toys” instead of “Clean your room”).
• Use visual checklists to help them see their progress.

 

4. Make future tasks feel more immediate

One reason children procrastinate is that they see their future selves as distant and different from their current selves. A useful trick is to help them visualize their “future self”:

• Ask: “How will future you feel if you do a little now vs. waiting until the last minute?”
• Use the paper doll chain exercise, where each paper doll represents “you” across different days. This helps children see that tomorrow’s self is still them, facing the same challenges if they don’t start today.

 

5. Create a supportive environment

Addressing the external factors that drive procrastination can make it easier for children to develop more productive habits and face challenging tasks with confidence.

• Set clear expectations (“Homework starts at 4 PM”).
• Reduce distractions (a quiet workspace, limited screen time).
• Use gentle reminders (visual timers, post-it notes).
• Create accountability (“Let’s check in on your progress after 15 minutes”).
• Avoid overly strict parenting styles that can increase anxiety and shame around performance. (replacing “You need to get an A on this test or no screen time for a week” with “Let’s focus on your study process and understanding the material”)
• Create a bedtime wind-down routine like reading books, dimming lights, or playing calming music.

 

6. Encourage “good enough” work

Perfectionism can paralyze children. Teach them that done is better than perfect:

• Set “quick drafts” or “sloppy copies” as the goal.
• Praise effort, not just results (“I love how you tried a new approach”).
• Remind them that mistakes are part of learning.
• Embrace imperfect progress by showing that small, imperfect steps forward are valuable rather than waiting for ideal circumstances.

 

Final thoughts: raising resilient, self-motivated children

Helping children overcome procrastination isn’t about forcing them to be productive—it’s about teaching them to navigate discomfort, regulate emotions, and break overwhelming tasks into manageable steps.

By modeling self-compassion, breaking tasks down, creating supportive structures, and helping children connect with their future selves, parents can equip kids with lifelong skills to manage procrastination in healthy ways.

 

Frequently Asked Questions about procrastination for children

1. How does perfectionism lead to procrastination?

Kids afraid of making mistakes may delay tasks to avoid failure. Teaching them that mistakes help learning can reduce this fear.

 

2. Can social pressure make kids procrastinate?

Yes, fear of judgment or feeling “not good enough” can cause avoidance. Encouraging self-compassion helps break the cycle.

 

3. Why does my child struggle to start tasks?

Unclear instructions or overwhelming expectations can make starting difficult. Breaking tasks into small steps makes them manageable.

 

4. Why does my child procrastinate at bedtime?

They may feel they haven’t had enough fun, want to avoid tomorrow’s tasks, or use screens to cope with stress.

 

5. Does strict parenting reduce procrastination?

Overly strict rules increase anxiety and avoidance. Clear expectations and gentle accountability work better.