180: How to get your children to stop fighting

If there’s one topic that never fails to rile parents up, it’s sibling fighting.


Why does it affect us so much?  (There are two main reasons.)


Why is this happening, and what can we do about it?  There are two main reasons, and one strategy to use with each reason. 


That’s it!


There are NOT an infinite number of reasons why this is happening, or an infinite number of things to try to get it to stop.


This episode will help you to identify the cause of the fighting, and how to make it stop.


Jump to highlights:

(02:07) Challenges of having multiple children

(03:39)  How parents’ reactions to their children’s fighting can be influenced by their own past experiences with their siblings.

(07:00) The need to make pause before reacting to a child’s behavior

(07:52) Understanding the causes of siblings fight

(08:34) A fictitious story about a sibling fight to show two possible scenarios that may result from two opposing reactions from a parent

(10:40) Scenario 1: Parent explodes and blames one child as aggressor during sibling fight

(12:10) Scenario 2: Parent makes a pause, remains calm, does not blame anyone

(15:00) Importance of having an empathetic discussion with your children

(20:45) The struggles of Adrianna and Tim began when a new child was added to the family.

(24:46) How Parenting Membership help Adrianna and Tim

(25:54) Adrianna shares how bodhi shows his empathy towards her sister

(27:35) How adding a sibling rocks an older child’s world

(28:42) What are some ways to support our older child in managing challenging emotions so that they continue to feel valued and loved by us.

(31:24) Sibling fight as a child’s unskillful strategy to getting their needs met

(33:55) Figuring out the commonly unmet needs of our children 

(35:05) The answer to a child’s unmet needs:  Spend 1:1 time with them

(36:25) The importance of letting the child direct your ‘special time’

(37:48) Why parents shouldn’t treat all their children in the same way

(39:16) Adrianna’s reflections


Sound too good to be true?  It isn’t.  Check out what parents have said about the workshop and sign up:



The Parenting Membership is now open for enrollment!

This isn’t a course that you take once and forget, and things go back to the way they always were.


Whenever you get off-track, or when a new challenge pops up, we’re here to support and guide you for as long as you’re a member.


The membership information page has all the details on what you’ll get when you join – monthly modules of content, the not-on-Facebook community, monthly group coaching calls, weekly ACTion groups with five other members and a peer coach, occasional 1:1 coaching sessions with Jen. 


Click the image below to learn more about the Parenting Membership.  Enrollment starts on May 7!





About the author, Jen

Jen Lumanlan (M.S., M.Ed.) hosts the Your Parenting Mojo podcast (www.YourParentingMojo.com), which examines scientific research related to child development through the lens of respectful parenting.

Leave a Comment