Social Emotional Development Milestones: What to Expect Ages 2-6

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Two young children sitting together and playing with colorful toys

Key takeaway

  1. Emotional awareness is internal (recognizing feelings), while social-emotional skills are action-oriented (using emotions to navigate relationships).
  2. Social-emotional skills include five core competencies: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and decision-making.
  3. Two-year-olds may express big feelings through tantrums; parents can help by naming feelings, offering comfort during meltdowns, and using books to discuss emotions.
  4. Three-year-olds are beginning to develop social awareness; they recognize others’ feelings and understand that different people can have different feelings about the same situation.
  5. Four-year-olds may identify complex emotions beyond happy/sad/angry and begin managing feelings independently through better communication and impulse control.
  6. Five to six-year-olds might demonstrate empathy in action, understand multiple emotions simultaneously, and can follow rules in group settings.
  7. A child’s age doesn’t always align with their emotional capabilities – the best guide to what your child should be able to do is what your child can do.

 

Emotional awareness is an important step in helping children thrive — but it’s only one of a set of skills many children will go on to develop to understand and regulate their emotions. Once children recognize and name how they feel, they start developing more complex skills. These skills help them manage those feelings, connect with others, and respond effectively to the world around them.

 

In our previous post, How to Teach Emotional Awareness to Children, we explored the importance of emotional awareness and different strategies to nurture them. But being aware of emotions is just the beginning. Now, we’ll build on that foundation and look at what to expect as your child’s emotional development progresses from toddlerhood to kindergarten.

 

In some ways, I find it very difficult to offer an age-by-age guide.  The study of what we consider to be ‘age-appropriate’ is fraught with cultural assumptions about what children ‘should’ be able to do and when.  It tends to pathologize any behavior that doesn’t fit these guidelines, which means that when children resist our requests, the problem is always their resistance and never our request.

 

We may want them to ‘share’ and ‘play nicely’ because it helps to spare us from the feeling of embarrassment of being judged by other parents (or our own parents), and we hope it will meet our need for ease when we don’t have to referee their squabbles.

 

This guide will help you understand key emotional development milestones, what social emotional skills look like by age, and how you can support your child at every stage.  I’ll also offer thoughts on what to do when your child is not yet able to regulate their emotions that help, rather than hurt them.

 

From Emotional Awareness to Social-Emotional Skills 

Here’s where things get really exciting. If emotional awareness is like learning the alphabet, social emotional skills are like writing poetry. Both are essential, but they serve completely different purposes in your child’s development.

 

Emotional awareness is largely internal and cognitive. When your three-year-old says, “I’m sad because my toy broke,” they demonstrate emotional awareness. They can identify what they’re feeling and why. 

 

Social emotional skills, on the other hand, are action-oriented and interpersonal. These skills involve using emotional awareness to get along with others, solve problems, and make decisions that consider both their own needs and other people’s needs.

 

Think of it this way: emotional awareness asks “Why am I feeling this way?” while social emotional skills ask “What am I going to do about it, and how will it affect others?”

 

As children grow, they go from just noticing feelings to using social and emotional skills in everyday situations. You’ll eventually see them do things like share, take turns, use words when they’re upset instead of hitting, comfort a sad friend, and wait patiently for their turn.

 

What Are Social Emotional Skills?

According to leading experts in the field, social emotional skills can be organized into five core competencies. Think of these as five interconnected tools that work together like a Swiss Army knife for navigating relationships and managing life’s ups and downs:

 

Social emotional skill core competency #1: Self-awareness

This is your child’s ability to accurately recognize their own emotions, thoughts, and values, and understand how these influence their behavior. It’s the difference between a child saying “I’m bad” versus “I made a mistake and I feel disappointed in myself.” When your seven-year-old says, “I get really nervous before tests because I want to do well,” they’re demonstrating self-awareness.

 

This also includes understanding your own strengths and areas for growth. A child with strong self-awareness might say, “I’m really good at helping friends feel better, but I have a hard time when things don’t go as planned.” This kind of honest self-reflection helps children make better choices and ask for support when they need it.

 

Social emotional skill core competency #2: Self-management

This involves effectively regulating emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in different situations. Imagine a child who calms down by counting to ten when they’re angry, takes deep breaths when they’re nervous, or asks for a hug when they feel stressed. It also means working toward self-chosen goals (which may be different from the goals you would want them to choose!).

 

Self-management isn’t about suppressing feelings or always being “good.” It’s about finding healthy ways to express emotions and bounce back from setbacks. A child showing strong self-management might feel frustrated when they lose a game but still congratulate the winner, or feel disappointed about a grade but use that feeling to motivate studying differently next time.

 

Social emotional skill core competency #3: Social awareness

This means the ability to understand how other people feel and see things, even if they come from different backgrounds. It helps a child notice when a friend looks sad and asks what’s wrong, or see that a younger sibling might need help with something that seems easy to them.

 

Social awareness also means recognizing the unwritten social rules in different settings. A child with good social awareness understands that the way they talk with friends at recess is different from how they speak during a family dinner, or that their teacher’s frustrated tone might mean the class needs to settle down, even if no direct instruction was given.

 

Social emotional skill core competency #4: Relationship skills

These involve establishing and maintaining healthy, rewarding relationships with diverse individuals and groups. This includes everything from sharing toys and taking turns as a preschooler to navigating peer pressure and resolving conflicts as a teenager.

 

Strong relationship skills also mean knowing how to repair connections when things go wrong. A child might apologize sincerely when they’ve hurt someone’s feelings, listen carefully when a friend is upset with them, or suggest a compromise when siblings disagree about what game to play. These skills help children build lasting friendships and feel confident in social situations.

 

Social emotional skill core competency #5: Thoughtful decision-making

This means making kind and smart choices about how to act and treat others. These actions are based on what’s right, safe, and respectful. When your child invites a new classmate to join a game even though their friends don’t want to, they’re showing thoughtful decision-making.

 

This also involves considering the longer-term effects of choices, not just immediate consequences. A child demonstrating this skill might choose to tell the truth about breaking something even though they’ll get in trouble, or decide not to share a mean joke because they realize it could hurt someone’s feelings later.

 

These five competencies don’t develop in isolation. They’re deeply interconnected. Children need self-awareness to practice self-management. They need social awareness to build relationship skills. All of these work together to support thoughtful decision-making.

 

Social Emotional Development Milestones by Age

Here are the social emotional development milestones in early childhood and how you can best support your child at each stage:

 

an image that shows the Social Emotional Development Milestones Ages 2 to 6

 

Click here to download the Social Emotional Development Milestones: Ages 2 to 6

 

Social emotional development milestone for 2-year-olds

At two, toddlers are just beginning to understand that they have feelings, and they don’t always know what to do with them. 

 

During the toddler years, emotions feel BIG. A two-year-old’s disappointment about the wrong color cup can feel like the end of the world. This intensity is normal and necessary. They’re learning that emotions are temporary and manageable.

 

Common milestones for 2-year-olds:

 

How to support social emotional skills at age 2:

  • Name their emotions for them, in the form of questions (since we can never be sure how another person is feeling until they let us know): “Are you feeling upset because the toy broke?”
  • Offer comfort, not correction, during meltdowns.  Kids need to know we can handle their big feelings and just like us, they won’t remember a lesson someone tries to teach them when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
  • Use books and toys to talk about feelings.  These don’t have to be special books – just pause during pivotal moments in any story, wonder aloud what the character might be feeling, and offer a hypothesis from a feelings list.
  • Model calm behavior during stressful moments: like saying aloud: “I’m feeling really overwhelmed.  I’m going to take a deep breath.  Would you like to take one with me?”
  • Encourage them to try new emotion regulation strategies of their own, and celebrate their effort.

 

Social emotional development milestone for 3-year-olds

Three-year-olds start to become more socially aware. They begin to recognize emotions in others and may offer hugs or comfort when someone else is upset or in pain.  They begin to understand that different people can feel differently about the same situation. A child might realize that while they love scary movies, their friend finds them frightening.  (This also means that they finally understand that when they hit another child, their own fist isn’t the only thing that hurts!)

 

Common milestones for 3-year-olds:

 

How to support social emotional skills at age 3:

  • Help them label feelings in themselves and others.  Make sure to use real feelings words, not ‘fake’ feelings like “I feel like you never clean up your toys.”
  • Discuss strategies with your child that they think might help them to re-regulate when they feel upset, like taking deep breaths, getting a hug, or squeezing a toy.
  • Use pretend play to explore emotions and social roles.  This can be a great chance for you to learn about their feelings if they don’t say anything when you ask direct questions.
  • Young children often don’t realize that their feelings will change in a few minutes!  Use the construct: “I’m feeling happy” or “Are you feeling exuberant?” (rather than “I’m happy”).  Adding the ‘feeling’ helps to communicate that feelings are temporary rather than permanent states.  
  • Parents tend to talk about feelings more with girls (and math concepts more with boys).  If we want boys to feel comfortable sharing their feelings, we have to model that language for them – this is especially important for male parents and caregivers.

 

Social emotional development milestone for 4-year-olds

By age four, many children can identify complex emotions beyond basic happy, sad, angry, and scared. They might recognize feeling “frustrated,” “disappointed,” or “excited.” This expanded emotional vocabulary gives them better tools for communication.  

 

We aren’t trying to develop the largest possible vocabulary for the sake of having the largest possible vocabulary.  Rather, experts recognize that when you can understand your feelings more precisely, you’re better able to understand what needs you’re trying to meet.  Then you’re better able to meet those needs – a need for indulgence may well be effectively met by a big scoop of ice cream; a need for connection with others may be more effectively met by a call to a friend.

 

Four-year-olds may begin to manage emotions more independently. They can handle small disappointments and may start solving some of their social problems. They are also developing the critical skill of impulse control.

 

Common milestones for 4-year-olds:

 

How to support social emotional skills at age 4:

 

Social emotional development milestone for 5 to 6-year-olds

In kindergarten and early school age, children are ready for group learning and friendships. They understand social rules better and can use emotional skills in more complex ways.

 

Five-year-olds often show developing empathy in action. They might comfort a friend who’s hurt or share a toy with someone who looks left out. 

 

Six-year-olds start understanding that they can experience multiple feelings at once – excited about a playdate but nervous about meeting new kids.

 

Common milestones for 5 to 6-year-olds:

  • Follow rules or take turns when playing games with other children – but they may still want to play by their own rules at times!
  • Works more cooperatively in group settings
  • Uses self-talk to manage frustration (e.g. “I want to play with the train, and it’s not fair that Jane still has it.”)
  • Shows empathy and apologizes with meaning – although this may happen on their slower schedule, and not immediately after the incident

 

How to support social emotional skills at age 5 to 6:

  • Have regular family discussions about emotions and relationships.  When your child brings home stories about friend disagreements, create space to hear their feelings and needs, and try to hypothesize what might have been the other child’s feelings and needs.
  • Use collaborative problem-solving: “Let’s figure out what to do about this together.”
  • Create opportunities for structured group play with gradually decreasing adult supervision.  Try to be in the next room rather than hovering over them, and just step closer when you hear difficulties arise.
  • Practice perspective-taking: “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?”  You can also practice this by taking your child’s perspective: “I wonder if you felt excited when you saw the glitter, and didn’t think to check that the cap was on properly before you shook the jar?”
  • Many children can have conversations about meeting both people’s needs with their adult caregiver by now, and if this language is used regularly in the home they will likely begin to use it with siblings and peers
  • Introduce mindfulness practices appropriate for young children

 

Social-Emotional Development Red Flags in Children

While every child develops at their own pace, certain patterns may signal that additional support could be beneficial. 

 

If your child often shows some of these behaviors and you don’t see other children struggling in the same way, it’s a good idea to talk to a pediatrician or parenting coach:

  • Persistent, intense tantrums that continue beyond preschool years or occur multiple times daily
  • Limited social interest or difficulty connecting with peers and family members
  • Emotional recognition challenges, including the inability to identify basic feelings in themselves or others
  • Excessive aggression toward others that doesn’t respond to consistent guidance
  • Extreme social withdrawal or avoidance of eye contact and interaction
  • Rigid behavioral patterns that cause significant distress when routines change
  • Delayed emotional regulation skills compared to same-age peers

 

Helping kids build social-emotional skills early on can make a big difference in their lives. Many behaviors that worry parents are just a normal part of growing up. We can also consider that often their resistance is the best strategy they have available to them to meet their needs.

 

When we ask a young child to do something they don’t want to do, they may resist by having a tantrum, stalling, refusing to participate, or by stomping their feet as they do what you’ve asked.  It can seem like they have to learn to regulate their emotions, because we ‘need’ them to do what we asked. 

 

The academic research follows this approach too. Parent-Child Interaction Therapy practitioners teach parents to use Time-Outs to change children’s behavior. The practitioners say it is justified because our children depend on us for love and care.  Withdrawing our love and care gets many children to change their behavior (the ones who resist are often diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder).

 

Instead, we can consider why the child is resisting our request.  They are resisting because our request is blocking them from meeting their need – perhaps for connection, play, or autonomy.  When we see their need for connection and our need for ease, we can shift from a strategy. Instead of “Learn to regulate your emotions and put your shoes on yourself,” we can use: “I can see you have a need for connection before we separate for the day.  How about I help you put your shoes on, which will meet my need for ease as well?”

 

Before, it might have seemed like the only option was that the child learn to regulate their emotions.  When we understand our child’s most important needs and meet these more often, we often find they – and we! – have far fewer problems with emotion regulation.

 

Final Thoughts

Emotional development is not linear. Your child might soar in one area while needing more time in another. Understanding these milestones simply gives you a roadmap to better support your child as they grow into emotionally aware, socially skilled individuals.

 

The goal isn’t to raise a child who never feels negative emotions. It’s to raise a child who can work through emotions with skill, compassion, and resilience.

 

Remember that children’s resistance to our requests often signals an unmet need rather than a lack of emotional regulation skills. When your four-year-old melts down about putting on shoes, they might need connection before separating for the day. When your three-year-old refuses to share, they might need to feel secure in their ownership before they can consider others’ needs. Instead of focusing solely on getting them to regulate their emotions to comply with our requests, we can look deeper at what need their behavior is trying to meet.

 

This approach shifts us away from seeing emotional outbursts as problems to be fixed and toward seeing them as communication about important needs. When we meet children’s core needs for connection, play, and autonomy more consistently, we often find that both they and we have far fewer struggles with emotional regulation. A child who feels truly seen and understood is much more likely to develop the social-emotional skills that will serve them throughout their lives.

 

Most importantly, trust your child’s individual timeline. Some children will naturally develop strong empathy early while taking longer to master impulse control. Others might excel at self-awareness but need more support with social situations. These differences don’t indicate problems. They reflect the beautiful complexity of human development. Your loving presence and patient guidance matter far more than hitting every milestone right on schedule.

 

Ready to Put These Skills Into Practice?

Understanding these milestones is good, but what happens when your child’s big emotions lead to challenging behaviors? When your two-year-old has a meltdown about the wrong color cup or your four-year-old hits their sibling during a frustrating moment, it can feel overwhelming to stay calm and supportive while still setting boundaries.

 

Many parents want to support their child’s emotional development, but they often struggle when those big feelings turn into tantrums, defiance, or aggression. They end up yelling, bribing, or giving in – none of which helps their child learn to manage emotions effectively.

 

When you have effective limit-setting tools, along with an understanding of how to meet your child’s needs and your own – you create a safe environment for both of you to practice your social-emotional skills. Instead of getting derailed by challenging behavior, you can stay focused on helping your child learn to navigate their big feelings, and finding strategies that meet both of your needs.

 

Do you want to respond to your child’s next meltdown with confidence instead of panic? Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective) Limits workshop now. Click the banner to learn more.

 

Bright turquoise background with large purple and white text. On the right side is a young boy with short blonde hair, wearing a dark blue shirt and black pants, jumping with his arms raised.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Children’s Emotional Development

1. What’s the difference between emotional awareness and social-emotional skills?

Emotional awareness is internal – a child recognizes and names their feelings. Social-emotional skills are action-oriented and involve using those feelings to navigate relationships. If emotional awareness is like learning the alphabet, social-emotional skills are like writing poetry. One helps children identify “Why am I feeling this way?” while the other addresses “What will I do about it, and how might it affect others?”

 

2. What are the five core social-emotional competencies children develop?

The five interconnected competencies are: self-awareness (recognizing your own emotions), self-management (regulating emotions effectively), social awareness (understanding others’ feelings), relationship skills (building healthy connections with diverse people), and thoughtful decision-making (making choices based on what’s right and respectful). These work together like a Swiss Army knife for navigating relationships and life’s challenges.

 

3. How can I support my two-year-old’s emotional development?

Name their emotions for them: “Are you feeling upset because the toy broke?” Always question rather than telling a child how they feel, and offer comfort, not correction, during meltdowns. Use books and toys to talk about feelings. Model calm behavior during stressful moments. Remember that big feelings are normal at this age – a wrong-colored cup can feel like the end of the world to them. This intensity helps them learn that emotions are temporary.

 

4. What social-emotional milestones should I expect from my three-year-old?

Three-year-olds become more socially aware and begin recognizing emotions in others. They understand what makes people upset and may ask “Are you okay?” when someone seems to feel sad. They imitate emotional behaviors in play and can understand that different people have different feelings about the same situation. They’re beginning to play cooperatively for short periods, which builds their relationship skills.

 

5. What social-emotional milestones should I expect from my four-year-old?

Four-year-olds may identify more complex emotions beyond basic happy/sad/angry, if you’ve modeled this language for them. They express feelings in words more than actions, take turns more easily, and begin resolving minor conflicts with peers. They engage in imaginative play, can tell real from pretend, and adjust behavior based on settings. They may also show a desire to help and play with others.

 

6. How can I help my five-year-old develop better social-emotional skills?

Have regular family discussions about emotions. Use collaborative problem-solving: “Let’s figure this out together.” Create opportunities for structured group play with gradually less adult supervision. Practice perspective-taking: “How do you think your friend felt?” Teach conflict resolution steps. Read books featuring characters navigating social situations. Introduce age-appropriate mindfulness practices.

 

7. What are some red flags in social-emotional development I should watch for?

Look for persistent, intense tantrums beyond preschool years, limited social interest, difficulty identifying basic feelings, excessive aggression that doesn’t respond to guidance, extreme social withdrawal, rigid behavioral patterns causing distress when routines change, or delayed emotional regulation compared to peers. While development varies by child, trust your instincts if these behaviors persist.

 

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About the author, Jen

Jen Lumanlan (M.S., M.Ed.) hosts the Your Parenting Mojo podcast (www.YourParentingMojo.com), which examines scientific research related to child development through the lens of respectful parenting.

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